3 Things Successful Women Must Avoid to Meet her Guy


Before I dive deep into the main point of this article, I want to define what I mean by “successful woman”. When I’ve used that term before, I’ve gotten comments from women who assume I mean a woman who is a high-powered CEO of a Fortune 500 company or something. That’s not what I mean!

IMHO, you are successful materially if you able to keep a roof over your head, food on the table, and clothes on your back. You are successful in parenting if you’ve raised or are raising children and they’re turning out well (not perfect) and they know they’re loved. You are successful in your job or business if you enjoy it and you have happy customers or clients. Doesn’t matter to me what your title is. If you’re a teacher, a social worker, a lawyer or a business owner…. If you’re doing it… you’re successful in my book!

Now that we’ve defined “success according to Lara”, let’s talk about the 3 things that successful women must avoid in order to magnetize and attract her Mr. Right.

1. A know-it-all mindset.

If you have a “know-it-all” mindset, you are not creating room in yourself for self growth and learning from your mistakes. It’s not only a block to lifelong learning, this mindset and way of being is a HUGE turn-off to a healthy, masculine man and is a MAGNET for unhealthy men. I’m not saying that you have to act as if you know nothing, by the way! I’m saying that staying humble about yourself and about your life, even as you are happy about and share about your accomplishments is wayyyy more attractive.

For me and Johnny, our relationship works very very well for us for several reasons. One of those reasons is that I have adopted the mindset of being a “lifelong learner”, which means I am open to constant and never-ending improvement in ALL areas of my life… and another reason is because I don’t compete with Johnny ever. I never have, and I never will. Which leads us to the 2nd thing that I recommend you avoid in order to attract and keep your guy:

2. A competitive mindset against your man in any way.

mistakes women make with men

I know that there are some long term relationships where the woman and the man playfully compete against one another in sports, in board games, etc and that they seem to get along very well. I think that those relationships are either very rare, or there are some underlying issues that we are just not seeing. That’s my personal opinion.

The couples that Johnny and I have interviewed who shared loving, long-lasting and happy marriages that stood the test of time were those who do not compete with one another in any way. They support one another and cheer each other on. So if they are playing sports or board games, they do their best to be on the same side. They tackle the difficult times in life by looking at the problem as the enemy, not each other. Happy, successful couples do whatever it takes to put themselves on the same side against any challenge, be it in play or in everyday life.

And that starts at the beginning of any relationship, too. Don’t try to compete with your man or try to one-up him in any way. Be FOR him and everything he does in life, as you want him to be FOR you. A healthy, masculine man who’s truly interested in you will respond in kind.

3. A victim mindset.

All the success experts, from Brian Tracy, to Jim Rohn, to Tony Robbins and Jack Canfield teach essentially the same thing: You’ve got to take 100% responsibility for your life. People with a victim mentality stay stuck and cannot let go of the past and move forward in their lives. Does that mean that there is no such thing as a victim? I don’t think so. I believe you can be a victim of a horrific crime, disease, or disaster. But you don’t have to take on a victim mentality. You don’t have to stay a victim. That’s what keeps you stuck.

Jack Canfield says it best:

“If you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you experience in your life. This includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health and physical fitness, your income, your debts, your feelings—everything! This is not easy.

In fact, most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside of ourselves for the parts of our life we don’t like. We blame our parents, our bosses, our friends, our co-workers, our clients, our spouse, the weather, the economy, our astrological chart, our lack of money—anyone or anything we can pin the blame on. We never want to look at where the real problem is—ourselves.

If you want to create the life of your dreams, then you are going to have to take 100% responsibility for your life as well. That means giving up all your excuses, all your victim stories, all the reason why you can’t and why you haven’t up until now, and all your blaming of outside circumstances. You have to give them all up forever.

You have to take the position that you have always had the power to make it different, to get it right, to produce the desired result. For whatever reason—ignorance, lack of awareness, fear, needing to be right, the need to feel save—you chose not to exercise that power. Who knows why? It doesn’t matter. The past is the past. All that matters now is that from this point forward you choose—that’s right, it’s a choice—you chose to act as if (that’s all that’s required—to act as if) you are 100% responsible for everything that does or doesn’t happen to you.”

My point here is that continuing to claim victimhood of your past relationships or your horrible boss not only keeps you stuck in the past, but it’s NOT attractive to healthy-minded, quality men! A victim mentality is really only attractive to unhealthy men and dysfunctional relationships. If you’re still stuck in that past relationship, do the inner work to heal and move on, so you can start to claim VICTOR status over it. That’s so much more magnetic and attractive!

As you contemplate these 3 things, I have a couple of questions for you:

  1. Have you ever had a know-it-all, competitive, or victim mentality that affected your relationships to your knowledge?
  2. I’d also like to know: What’s causing you the most frustration right now in your search for soulmate love? Please share in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you and I do my best to respond to every comment!

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  1. Aleta said: December 27, 2016 at 1:30 pm

    Thank you coz I see myself as the no it all woman and I always wonder why strong men leave! You are right though it atteacts losers.or types that have problems
    How do I learn to keep quiet?

  2. 17 Brutal Truths About Finding Love Nobody Wants to Admit – Johnny and Lara said: October 21, 2016 at 4:11 am

    […] need to take 100% responsibility for your life in order to find love. Victim minded people rarely become victors of their lives. […]

  3. Anne Ackley said: September 26, 2016 at 10:34 am

    The know it all man is boring and contributes to anxiety and stress in the relationship, which are unnecessary and illustrate selfishness in the man.

    My frustration in not finding a man I can work with toward a loving relationship is that men are too egocentric to accept that I am a loving woman who doesn’t want to “run the show”, who doesn’t want to mother them, who has accomplished great things in my life and is successful in my own right.

  4. Lily said: September 23, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    I am curious about #2-competing with a man. I am a very feminine woman and feel attracted to very masculine “mans, man” types. I realized after reading this, (great post) that I have a small competitive streak in one area, and that is cars, motorcycles and racing! My dad shared all that with me growing up, and I loved it! I do not want to feel competitive in this way but I do! Would love your thoughts?

  5. Tasha said: September 20, 2016 at 7:11 am

    I’m frustrated because I’m simply not going on enough dates! I have all this knowledge I’m learning about relationship and personal development and I feel like I can’t use it in my life when it comes to a partner because I’m not seeing anyone, at all. Like nada. No dates, no netflix and chill (hah), no nothing 🙁 And the guys that are interested in me- I’m not attracted to them! They’re nice, they’re funny, kind, and whatnot, but I’m 0% physically, sexually and emotionally attracted. However, my intuition is telling me that this is happening for a reason, that my endless waiting will be worth it! I just work on myself in the meantime…Anyone feeling the same? 🙂

  6. Sophie E said: September 19, 2016 at 9:28 pm

    I definitely have had a “victim mindset” on things that have happened to me. Notice I said, “to me,” instead of, “in my life”. This was pointed out to me by a long-time friend.