35+ and too tired to mingle?

  1. Finding love in an intentional and conscious way takes perseverance. It’s not for the faint of heart! And yes, it almost ALWAYS take longer than you think it’s going to!
  2. If, after all these years of longing for your Mr. Right, and feeling, at this point, a little disillusioned about “getting out there” again, but there’s still a desire for love inside you…. Then that means that the possibility still exists for you!
  3. It isn’t your imagination…it really IS harder to find love the older you get. That’s for some of the reasons that you already know, and lots of reasons you haven’t even thought about (after over 11 years of coaching thousands of women, I’m 1000% certain of this, yes…even for you).
  4. Something needs to fundamentally shift within your heart for love to come to you. And that kind of change doesn’t just happen on its own… nor does it happen by just dating and dating and “getting out there”.

Listen, what you have been doing so far hasn’t worked yet. But that doesn’t mean that you’re not moving closer to your dreams, right? You are moving forward in your life, but as for your love life…it’s just happening… Way… Too… Slowly. If you want to make a radical difference in your love life, it’s time to focus within.

You don’t need to get out more, darlin’, you need to get IN more.

That’s where the magic is. That’s where the real change happens.

It’s the holiday season now… and the focus in our culture is about giving, giving, giving to OTHERS. And that’s wonderful. But what we’ve seen over the years of working with thousands of women, is that, too often, women don’t give enough to themselves! They deplete and exhaust themselves in the name of serving others and the Christmas/holiday spirit, forgetting to refill their cup first.

Here’s a powerful action step you can take this holiday season, a shift in your actions and your thinking that is about getting IN more and can reap life-changing results:

What if you gave to yourself MORE this holiday season? What I mean by that is: what if, just for this holiday season, you focused MORE of your time, energy and resources on your biggest asset: YOU??

Instead of running around frantically from holiday party to holiday party, hoping to meet your guy in time for a date for New Year’s… what if you just chose ONE holiday party to attend, and then scheduled the rest of the time for YOU?

Take a deep breath…

What if you decided to NOT overspend on your family and friends this year, but instead told everybody that this year, you are on a tight budget, both time and money-wise, and that there will be less of you and your gifts to go around??



What if you created those boundaries for yourself this season, and instead of overgiving to everyone else, you try out the radical notion of overgiving to YOURSELF? Investing more time, energy and money in YOU??

What if you spent that time learning more about yourself, about your dreams, about how to BECOME YOUR OWN SOULMATE FIRST, raising your vibration so high, that your soulmate can’t miss you??

We call it “falling in love with yourself, falling in love with you life, and then falling in love with the RIGHT man for you.” And you CAN do that, in fact, you can decide that 2017 is going to be the year of YOU.

What if you gave yourself the gift of YOU this holiday season??

Here’s what I’m betting will happen:

  1. You will learn and grow yourself.
  2. You will feel SO MUCH BETTER about yourself and your life.
  3. You will NOT feel drained and depleted like most people do after the holidays.
  4. Your cup of self love will be so full, you’ll be magnetic!
  5. Your life will take off in the New Year in a way that’s magical and miraculous.
  6. You’ll feel so good, you’ll be shocked at how much better you feel about yourself and your life. You’ll want to do this exercise every holiday season for the rest of your life!

Try it. I challenge you. Let me know in the comments section how you plan to make this holiday season different and better, and how that feels for you. Maybe even your anticipated challenges and the successes you’re looking forward to. You could even come back here in January and tell me how it all went for you. And for now, if you have any questions or comments, I welcome them below. I love to hear from you and do my best to respond to your comments.


  1. Kelly said: December 14, 2016 at 5:19 pm

    Thanks for this. I’m 38 and exhausted. Tired of trying, tired of pretending like I’m not heartbroken and sad, and overall realized from this article that I am too tired to care about myself too. Thanksgiving was hard and sad and lonely. A friend recently asked me, ‘are you the kind of woman that the kind of man you want, wants?’ OUCH!

    In truth, no. I am some extinguished version of myself waiting in vain for Mr. Right.

    This holiday season I am going to spend time with myself, treat myself to the money and presents I’d send out to keep up with the Joneses, turn away from Facebook, write, cook, hot baths, figure out what makes me happy and filled up, pray, meditate with the intention of filling myself up.

    Thank you for this invitation and for making it ok to take for me.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:32 pm

      Hi Kelly, what an insightful friend you have. I’m glad you decided to turn things around because a man is not going to bring up the best in you. You need to be the best version of yourself possible, for you! Check out ou new free video series, let me know if it helps.

  2. Dawn said: December 14, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    That’s a nice idea but how do you begin to do that? Do I say my affirmations 10 times a day instead of 5? Do I take myself to dinner? Your piece fails to give suggestions

    • Susan said: December 14, 2016 at 5:21 pm

      Dawn, I think it has to been whatever that means to YOU. I don’t think there’s a formula or checklist. For me, this actually means staying home and tackling projects I’ve let stack up around me. And sleeping until I don’t need to sleep anymore. I only plan to spend time with my heart friends and we have decided that gifts this year are experiences…a wine tasting, seeing great holiday movies, enjoying nice meals together. I bought myself an online yoga series and a line of skin care I normally say I can’t afford. I don’t know that ANY of that means a thing for your heart, but I hope you’ll spend time doing whatever makes your heart light and happy and rested. All the best to you!

      • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:33 pm

        Beautifully said, Susan.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      Hi Dawn, you should check out our free video series to start, you’ll get a lot of support and guidance 😉

  3. Pamela said: December 14, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    Hi, thank you for what you have written to me here. I know this. Everything you are saying I have done 35 years ago. So what is different now? Why can’t I get motivated or see what it is I need to do to be a better person for me. Any suggestions? Sometimes I think it may be fear but fear of what? I need to step out of my way…does anyone know how to do that?

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:27 pm

      Hi Pamela, you’re very welcome. Let me invite you to our free video series, I think that will help.

  4. Esperanza Leon said: December 14, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    Hi Lara,
    I’m going to take your advice. I’m planning on giving very little this Christmas and stay calmed.
    I’ve done everything in my part to attract my soulmate but still, here I am single, tired, and hopeless. I don’t feel like celebrating anything. For thanksgiving I just want to stay home and rest. I’m not looking forward to the holiday . I want to focus on myself and reflect on why things are the way they are in my life. Why, why? I wish my higher power would give me an answer.
    Happy Holidays to you, Johnny, and Isabelle
    Espie Leon

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      Thank you, Espie <3

  5. Shiva said: December 14, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    Disclaimer Over 35 Male speaking.

    As always, you guys are so, so absolutely on target. And your insights apply not only to the holiday season but life in general.

    My observation (Even though its a cliche): To be find a long-term partner and be happy with them, you must FIRST be happy with yourself. (E.g., becoming your own soulmae, and happy in its various manifestation – content, fulfilled, serene, joyous). If you are not happy with yourself, a) quite often men will sniff out out unhappiness and desperation, the way animals instantly sniff out fear, and b) your unhappiness is internal, and thus, anything external (such as the next guy on your dating roster) is not going to make you happy and you are destined to remain dissatisfied whether coupled or not.

    Alas, as I’ve found, women who are happy with themselves are happily partnered up, despite (obviously within limits – no one should put up with abusive or undermining relationships) the obvious and uncountable flaws with their partners. Because they know their happiness depends on themselves, not on their partner.

    You can imagine what the reduction of happily partnered women does to the statistics of unhappy versus happy women in the dating pool!


    So unless lightning strikes, I will continue to date happy, content, serene – and age inappropriate – women.

    • Pamela said: December 14, 2016 at 5:14 pm

      You are so right in your observations. When I left my first husband I worked on myself. I got a job, I went to counseling, which by the way worked for me. I got my self esteem, self confidence back. I was moving forward. Went back to school for a degree in Early childhood education. And although I knew this man we did not start to date until three years later. He was my soulmate. I say was because after 33 years of marriage my husband lost his life to Agent Orange.
      I went back to counseling to help me deal with the loss of my husband. I feel it is time for me to move forward but somehow do not know the direction I want to move in. I somehow do not have what I had so many years ago. Where do I go from here? How do I move forward. Is this fear I am feeling? Yes, take time for me. Sounds good. I am by myself a lot and so you would think I would know me better than I know myself. I do not feel like I did all those years ago. I was a lot younger, a single mom who was fortunate to find herself and love who she is but who am I really? Life is different now. I am by myself so to speak. I want to get out there and meet people but I am frightened. Tow years ago I was more active but now things have slowed down. I am not talking about dating. I am talking about life in general. Anyone with any suggestions? There should be a class on steps to rebuilding your life. My husband said he like the little girl that was inside of me. I do not feel her any more. So where does one begin? I find I am with my son and his family on the weekends. Doing things with the grandchildren. I want more but I am afraid that I am standing in my way and can’t find a way out. Open to suggestions.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:22 pm

      Thank you, Shiva 🙂