4 Signs you’re pushing love away

  1. You keep telling yourself “It’s just not the right time for me”. And you know what? Sometimes that is the truth! Sometimes, life throws us some curve balls: a scary diagnosis, a parent who is ill or who passes away, we’ve been fired from our job, etc… and those curve balls can require that you put your attention on that urgent matter to “put out the fire”, handle it, or heal from it. The issue is when that line of thinking becomes habitual. Meaning, it happens for years and years and years. And one day, you wake up and you’re 85 and love has still eluded you. I want you to know, though, that love can come to you at any age. Louise Hay, the great author and publisher, just found love a few years ago at 87! And Anne LaMott, another author I love, just found love after thinking it wasn’t in the cards for her this lifetime at 62. Don’t want to wait that long? Read on…Take a look at your thoughts, notice if you keep saying to yourself, “now is not the right time… next year will be better” or “I just need to lose this extra 15 pounds, THEN I’ll be ready” or “I need to get myself completely out of debt first” or “I need to buy a house first” (I told myself this line of thinking for years, until I realized that was simply a habitual line of thinking that literally pushed love away from me).Is this habitual way of thinking something that you’ve been doing? Give yourself a few minutes to take stock of yourself talk and see if this is you. Be really honest with yourself.
  2. You’re resistant to dating, Honey, you’ve GOT to date sometime! No, you don’t have to date hundreds of men to find your prince, but SOME energy has got to be spent dating, mating, and relating! Each date you go on can be a learning experience… I highly recommend you reframe it as such. Jaded and cynical thinking is a Mr. Right REPELLENT… So start to re-frame each date as an opportunity to gain more clarity on what you really want in your eventual husband and more clarity on how you want to feel with him.

    “Nothing has meaning except the meaning YOU give it. Start to collect evidence that every time a relationship doesn’t work out, that it’s just paving the way for the RIGHT MAN (or woman) to show up. Ask yourself at those challenging times: “how is this paving the path to my soulmate?” and “what is wanting to emerge here?” and “what can I learn from this?””
    ―Dr. Lara Fernandez

  3. You’ve been told you’re pushing good guys away. More than once. I’m a big believer in asking for feedback from your most respected and closest friends. The ones who have got your back always. These friends are the ones who will tell you the truth even if it’s not easy. Ask a person in your life that you respect to be radically honest with you (Notice that I didn’t say brutally honest… brutality just never does you any good). Radical honesty means 100% truthful…. and KIND and LOVING. Ask her this powerful question (this question is LIFE CHANGING):“Where do you see me limiting myself in relationships and in life?” Tell her you want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Then: Listen. And take notes. Breathe (it’s not always easy to hear). It’s been said by success experts that “Feedback is the breakfast of champions”. Get feedback on your life by a person that you admire and respect. This is super important. As she’s answering your question, just listen. Don’t say anything. And do allow her to finish. (And by the way, here’s what NOT to do once you’ve asked for feedback):

    1. Just cave in, have a temper tantrum, and quit.
    2. Get mad at her.
    3. Ignore the feedback.

    Instead, allow her to say her say, then thank her for her feedback… and then afterwards, give yourself 30 minutes or so to take notes, and to develop an action plan to change, improve, evolve… and then ACT on it.

    And by the way, if what you think she has just told you is complete and utter nonsense and not applicable to you at all, then you might want to re-think how good or close of a friend she really is if you’re sure she doesn’t know you at all.

  4.  You’re not taking responsibility for your part. Take stock of your past relationships and how they turned out. Notice if you’re blaming the guy for every single thing that went wrong. If you are not taking ANY responsibility for how that relationship ended, I invite you to think again.This doesn’t mean that you were never a victim of horrible circumstances. But that also doesn’t mean you have to take on a victim mindset! You may have BEEN a victim of a terrible relationship, but if you really want to take your power back, you must look at YOUR PART in getting with him in the first place, staying with him, and missing or ignoring the red flags when they showed up.

A victim mindset is a soulmate love repellent. Taking responsibility (NOT blame) for your part gives you your power back. And if you have your power, you can attract and create something different in the next relationship.

Women who are actively taking responsibility for their lives and looking forward to doing better when they know better are what we call Students of Love, and we love meeting and helping them in our online courses and live classes.

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  1. Anita said: February 9, 2018 at 11:32 am

    I think I have been doing #1 quite a bit. Last year was tough with health problems and buying my first home. Gotta get out of that mindset. I am starting to get back onto a couple of sites, and putting myself out there again. I had a date two weeks ago for the first time in a few months. It felt great to get out there again. Thank you Lara.

  2. Silje said: February 9, 2018 at 11:07 am

    Guilty of number two. I WILL NOT date! ever again. I’ve had 3 dates in 15 years which each one of them turned out disasterous. Never ever want to spend another period of years suffering and healing from this. If dating is necessary to meet someone – I will rather stay single forever.

  3. Silje said: February 9, 2018 at 11:06 am

    Guilty of number two. I WILL NOT date! ever again. I’ve had 3 dates in 15 years which each one of them turned out disasterous. Never ever want to spending another years suffering and healing from this. I dating is necessary to meet someone – I will rather stay single forever.

  4. Anna -Community Support said: January 6, 2018 at 8:26 pm

    Gloria, thank you so much for sharing such intimate and difficult details about your life, it takes a lot of courage to be able to discuss experiences that have brought us pain. From that you write though, it sounds like you are determined to not give up…you are a fighter! you realized that you couldn’t just stay in the mentality of being a victim, and you moved forward! that is very commendable!

    We invite you to continue browsing our blog and read the other posts Johnny and Lara have published, we hope you find other useful content within the site. Again, thank you so much for your thoughts and for sharing with us, we really appreciate it!

  5. GLORIA said: December 14, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    I just read your blog on what 4 things your pushing away. I thank you I did not even think about 2 of them but ya know when my mama was here bless her soul she passed 4yrs.ago Randy saw her for the last time and she said ‘Randy can you please promise me 2things??”he said “What’s that every so called girlfriend has stabbed Gloria in the back and she pours her heart out to them he said “i cannot promise but I will do my best “second promise & this needs a promise I need to know your not like all of GLORIA”S OTHER BOYFRIENDS ,HUSBANDS ,FIANCE’S THAT YOU WILL NOT PUT DAGGERS IN Gloria’s HERAT Randy said ‘T PROMISE YOU THAT AND DON’T EVR HIT HER I PROMISE THAT ALSO. Well I THINK I KNOW HOW YOU WILL RESPOND Randy BEAT ME 2TIMES ONC WE WERE BY OUR FRIENDS THAT JUST DIED HEE LIKED ME AND NEVER BELIEVED IN HITING WOMAN WELL When I met Randy he drank a case of beer and a bottle of jack danials but now wait I knew he was not an real Alcoholic I felt he was numbing his feelings’ for over 1yr.i got him to the bath undressed him and put him to bed then I had to do it ,it was my 15page letter to him see I was in treatment not so much for drugs and drink I was in a very, very abusive house so I the brave one did not knot it was going to take 15 yrs. but it does first I had to know who I was then I had to love myself and the hardest in abusive houses I needed to get out of the victim role it took me almost 8yrs. which is very average one you want so bad to blame the perpetrator in the worst way for you behavior shorter story after I wrote the letter I went to wake him at 7:00am I said loud Randy do you want to listen to the letter I wrote you or I will leave today he said I want to hear your letter it was basically what I learned in mental health wards psych ward’s alcoholic treatments 7 in all they told al of them Gloria you drank to numb and get rid of all the bad feelings you felt when your Dad was beating your mom and then my mom left us kids for 7yrs. I now have night terrors my Psychiatrist one of the best in wi also told me that as did myPsycholgist that wonderful 7hr test he picked me out of 17 of us and slowly I stopped needing to numb those awful feelings but I got into cocaine bad the worst way you can ingest it I did and died once had 8inchs of a vein out another time. Had more help and am happy I have ben clean for 18yrs. Randy has a drink a couple times a month and is my protector he is a master ninja and an expert martial arts and black belt so to the cops he is a lethal weapon. Sorry I needed to give you a little back ground because back in the day one saying was “do not ever think you can change an alcoholic well see he was feeling what I was yrs. Past and I saw i.e. love each other very much I never loved any man like Randy and he knew we would be together forever on our first date that was a ego booster lol that’s my sory in 2yrs am writing my book it is titled from victim in blood red to survivor in silver sparklers I had 70 publishers contact me out of 10 I picked one. let me know your thoughts if you will Gloria