- You keep telling yourself “It’s just not the right time for me”. And you know what? Sometimes that is the truth! Sometimes, life throws us some curve balls: a scary diagnosis, a parent who is ill or who passes away, we’ve been fired from our job, etc… and those curve balls can require that you put your attention on that urgent matter to “put out the fire”, handle it, or heal from it. The issue is when that line of thinking becomes habitual. Meaning, it happens for years and years and years. And one day, you wake up and you’re 85 and love has still eluded you. I want you to know, though, that love can come to you at any age. Louise Hay, the great author and publisher, just found love a few years ago at 87! And Anne LaMott, another author I love, just found love after thinking it wasn’t in the cards for her this lifetime at 62. Don’t want to wait that long? Read on…Take a look at your thoughts, notice if you keep saying to yourself, “now is not the right time… next year will be better” or “I just need to lose this extra 15 pounds, THEN I’ll be ready” or “I need to get myself completely out of debt first” or “I need to buy a house first” (I told myself this line of thinking for years, until I realized that was simply a habitual line of thinking that literally pushed love away from me).Is this habitual way of thinking something that you’ve been doing? Give yourself a few minutes to take stock of yourself talk and see if this is you. Be really honest with yourself.
- You’re resistant to dating, Honey, you’ve GOT to date sometime! No, you don’t have to date hundreds of men to find your prince, but SOME energy has got to be spent dating, mating, and relating! Each date you go on can be a learning experience… I highly recommend you reframe it as such. Jaded and cynical thinking is a Mr. Right REPELLENT… So start to re-frame each date as an opportunity to gain more clarity on what you really want in your eventual husband and more clarity on how you want to feel with him.
“Nothing has meaning except the meaning YOU give it. Start to collect evidence that every time a relationship doesn’t work out, that it’s just paving the way for the RIGHT MAN (or woman) to show up. Ask yourself at those challenging times: “how is this paving the path to my soulmate?” and “what is wanting to emerge here?” and “what can I learn from this?””
―Dr. Lara Fernandez
- You’ve been told you’re pushing good guys away. More than once. I’m a big believer in asking for feedback from your most respected and closest friends. The ones who have got your back always. These friends are the ones who will tell you the truth even if it’s not easy. Ask a person in your life that you respect to be radically honest with you (Notice that I didn’t say brutally honest… brutality just never does you any good). Radical honesty means 100% truthful…. and KIND and LOVING. Ask her this powerful question (this question is LIFE CHANGING):“Where do you see me limiting myself in relationships and in life?” Tell her you want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Then: Listen. And take notes. Breathe (it’s not always easy to hear). It’s been said by success experts that “Feedback is the breakfast of champions”. Get feedback on your life by a person that you admire and respect. This is super important. As she’s answering your question, just listen. Don’t say anything. And do allow her to finish. (And by the way, here’s what NOT to do once you’ve asked for feedback):
1. Just cave in, have a temper tantrum, and quit.
2. Get mad at her.
3. Ignore the feedback.
Instead, allow her to say her say, then thank her for her feedback… and then afterwards, give yourself 30 minutes or so to take notes, and to develop an action plan to change, improve, evolve… and then ACT on it.
And by the way, if what you think she has just told you is complete and utter nonsense and not applicable to you at all, then you might want to re-think how good or close of a friend she really is if you’re sure she doesn’t know you at all.
- You’re not taking responsibility for your part. Take stock of your past relationships and how they turned out. Notice if you’re blaming the guy for every single thing that went wrong. If you are not taking ANY responsibility for how that relationship ended, I invite you to think again.This doesn’t mean that you were never a victim of horrible circumstances. But that also doesn’t mean you have to take on a victim mindset! You may have BEEN a victim of a terrible relationship, but if you really want to take your power back, you must look at YOUR PART in getting with him in the first place, staying with him, and missing or ignoring the red flags when they showed up.
A victim mindset is a soulmate love repellent. Taking responsibility (NOT blame) for your part gives you your power back. And if you have your power, you can attract and create something different in the next relationship.