Introverts Are So Much More Complex Than They’re Given Credit For


Do you identify as an introvert?

I know I do. For some people, being an introvert means that they are quiet and keep to themselves. If this is you, groups of people can cause you apprehension…even a bit of anxiety. Despite being seen as shy, you’re probably a great listener and notice way more than the people doing all the talking. You might hesitate to add your voice to the conversation but that doesn’t mean you’re not making connections and organizing your reply. If you’re a social introvert, you probably find that you feel more comfortable in quiet, one-on-one social situations.

Other introverts don’t mind spending time with people—they can even be super outgoing—however, they need their alone time to recharge. If this is you, you might even be the life of the party when you choose to be. I wouldn’t call myself “life of the party” but I can talk with many people, as long as I get my ‘recharge’ time. You may even be able to, kind of, “fool people” into thinking that you’re always this personable and chatty. In reality, you often feel like you have a “social hangover” if you spend too much time around other people. You need down time to check in with yourself and tend to your needs. Despite the fact that you can show up present and powerful in just about every social situation, you still like those individual connections. I seriously get that. I mean, our advanced program has live events and personal coaching from me and Johnny, it’s no secret that I enjoy and excel at that one-on-one connection while Johnny excels at the teaching in the group format.

Now…you may find you’re a combo of the two types of introverts described above too! I can be that “extroverted introvert” myself. Whatever your experience as an introvert, the thought of attending a live event might not be something that you’d be scrambling to do. Of course, this is totally understandable…events mean people and people can sometimes be exhausting. That being said, you probably long to connect to other people still and feel a part of a group of people who care about you and your dreams.

Right? Who wouldn’t want that?

How Live Events Can Really Benefit Introverts

Here’s the thing, even if you’re an introvert, there are HUGE benefits to attending a live event. Well… the right live event anyways A lot of the women we work with identify as introverts. And they always tell us how glad they are that they decided to come to our annual live event weekend. (More on that later.) Here are some of the reasons attending the right kind of live event actually benefits introverts:4

1. Introverts prefer discussing big ideas to having to participate in small talk. Our live events are all about the big ideas.

Really, what bigger idea exists than that of finding soulmate love? (And what exactly has been holding you back from doing just that.) At our live events we put a lot of effort into fostering an environment and conversations that are real and substantial. (Of course we give you time to digest what you’re learning too so you don’t get overwhelmed!) Johnny and I know that your time and energy are so valuable which is why we don’t add unnecessary fluff to our curriculum. Only real and powerfully experiential learning about love in a space that is safe, supportive, and fun.

2. Introverts prefer to spend time around like-minded people. Our live events bring together women with similar perspectives, beliefs, and interests.

Everyone is an individual, and we’re not all exactly alike. However, if you’re serious about finding healthy love, a man with integrity, heart, and who respects and honors you, and you have high standards, and you’re ready to get some real learning about what’s been blocking true love from you, you’ll find lots of kindred spirits in our room. We’re so lucky that our work attracts such amazing women—women just like you. What this means is that at our live events, you get to spend time with people who are on the same journey as you. So you don’t have to “socially sift” to find people who you can easily connect to. Which is super important for introverts.

3. Introverts like to take time to gather their thoughts and think about what they’re going to say next. At our live events, other people will appreciate your way of contributing to the conversation and will give you space to be heard.

Being seen and heard as an introvert is really important to you. However, you may find that it can be hard to get in a word edgewise when you’re in a group of people. We get it. At our live events, the other women in attendance—some of whom are also introverts—will value what you have to offer. So you’ll have a chance to be heard without having to rush yourself to respond. Johnny and I create all our curriculum together, and as an experienced educator, Johnny has a way of teaching that—many women tell us—allows you to feel connected to others yet alone with your thoughts and feelings, and it’s all honored and valued.

4. Introverts need to feel understood in order to feel comfortable showing up and being themselves. At our live events, people get that you’ll sometimes need space and take joy in supporting you in that way.

Of course one of the biggest concerns that introverts have when attending live events is, “Will I be able to get the space and quiet that I need to recharge?” YES! At least you will at our live events. Our events are high impact, high energy, and uplifting… yet deep at the same time (many women call our unique teaching style “masterful” and “empowering”). Johnny and I think it’s wonderful that you need your “you time” in order to make the most of what you’re learning about attracting soulmate love. We built our curriculum to accommodate many different ways of learning. And have always found that the women who attend our events are so happy to finally have JOY on this journey, while connecting with others and not feeling so alone anymore, as everyone supports each other in the ways they need to be supported. And since our staff are all women who have worked with us before, they know more of how you’re feeling because they have literally been in your seat and often felt the exactly the same way at one point time.

5. Introverts can find high-energy people and situations draining. Our live events attract both introverts and extroverts however our teachings are down-to-earth, yet powerfully uplifting, so you’ll feel energized—not overwhelmed.

Everyone loves (and sometimes really needs) a pep talk. You can get that from an inspirational quote on Facebook or Instagram. That being said, you need inspiration and new information, as well as new experiences in order to shift on the inside (not just in your head). By having breakthroughs happen, in real time, from the inside out, you’ll find that even as an introvert (or extroverted introvert, or flat out extrovert) our more grounded approach to teaching women about attracting soulmate love often feels both uplifting and exciting since you’ll finally not just learn something new, but FEEL something new. Of course, we’re here to inspire you…however, we are definitely not here to overwhelm you! (Even thinking about finding soulmate love, what’s going on, whats blocking love from me…it’s probably all overwhelming enough, right?) Instead, we offer real and realistic ways you can shift your relationship status from single to soulmate love.

Love Breakthroughs Are Possible For Introverts!

As an introvert, you deserve to be in a loving and committed relationship with a man who appreciates your introverted ways. Someone who sees your potential and knows how to support you in finding it. On the way to meeting your sweetheart, it can be really beneficial to be around other women who will appreciate you, see your potential and support you on your journey toward being with your soulmate. Our Love Breakthrough Weekend is designed to show women—both introverts and extroverts—a way to learn and break through their biggest blocks to true love, and see what’s possible for them when it comes to finding soulmate love. The partner who loves and appreciates them…as they are. And if you have any questions (we know you value connecting one-on-one with people) or comments please comment below! We’re real people, with 12 years of real results, and we’re really invested in helping you step into your full radiance as the beautiful, thoughtful, and deserving introvert that you are.

If I can find my true love as an introvert, then so can you, you just gotta come out of that shell just a little bit, we’ll be there to meet you with warm, welcoming arms or a warm handshake, whatever you prefer. (we hug a lot in California 😉 )

“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love but in reality, love is the only thing in the world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in the world that does not hurt.” – Liam Neeson

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  1. PJ said: January 14, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    I am an 80-20 person, 80% Introvert and 20% extrovert. I strongly crave people interaction and need it, yet require my ME TIME. Give me a small group of safe people and I am in social heaven like an extrovert. Large groups, not my thing. I once had a social group where the extroverts seemed to give the introverts priority for speaking so everyone was included. The introverts were always invited to “crowd” activities (as part of the group), even thou everyone knew they would not be attending. Many couples in our social group where extrovert and introvert (a respect combination that seemed to balance the opposites).

    • Anna -Community Support said: January 19, 2018 at 11:38 am

      PJ, thank you so much for sharing, I totally get the mix of introvert vs extrovert! It’s nice to go out there and socialize, but ME time is super important as well!! We appreciate your contribution to the discussion, you definitely have some awesome points!

  2. Lacy said: January 14, 2018 at 12:16 pm

    I especially identify with the first sentence in #4. I’m NOT misanthropic I tend to take my time opening up to new people because my trust has been duped so much. And then when I do, people, for some reason, often don’t understand me. Even when they ask me to elaborate and I do so, it usually just confuses them all the more, too. Pretty much all of my life, I’ve been judged and labeled as “weird”, “standoffish” and “eccentric” even though I don’t do that to people. (Though I actually take the last as a compliment. I think that being bland and original is boring and doesn’t help to live up to potential). When I was little, it used to just leave me feeling confused and wondering exactly what I was doing to make the other person “hate” me. Now I get that some people just want to be judgmental of everyone who’s not like them and as far as I’m concerned, they don’t even deserve a place in my life anyway.
    Up to this point, most of the relationships I’ve been in were “convienence” relationship-i.e. getting into a relationship with the first person who gave me the time of day just because I was so tired of being alone. But that was before I accepted myself as I TRULY am. I’ve since raised my standards by a lot. It has gotten harder and I’m not giving up hope or anything. I’ve just learned not to hold my breathe either way anymore.

    • Anna -Community Support said: January 19, 2018 at 11:44 am

      Lacy, wow you absolutely blew me away with your insight on learning how to accept ourselves. I can relate to the need to try to fit in and be liked by everyone…and being hear broken when someone didn’t “like me” . Unfortunately you are right when you say that some people just want to judge someone instead of help building them up. No one needs that kind of negativity in their life!

      Thank you so much for visiting our blog and keep on moving forward…don’t give up hope!

  3. Debbie said: January 14, 2018 at 8:56 am

    After 37 years and many relationships, finally at the age of 49 (I am 50 now) I found my soul mate. I know I have much love for him yet, I find it hard to let myself fall completely. We have been dating for 7 months now and we are both introverts by nature. We enjoy each other’s company and mesh very well together.
    I am a Retail Manager and deal with the public daily from 9-12 hrs a day. Social interaction exhausts me and when the workday is done, I go home to my comfort zone.
    I wish I could find a retreat such as yours on the East Coast but, than again, there’s that social interaction again!

    • Anna -Community Support said: January 19, 2018 at 11:46 am

      Debbie we are so happy to hear that you have found your SoulMate, that is just so beautiful!

      It’s so great to hear that after a long day at work you are able to go to your safe/happy place 🙂

      We would love to have you at one of our live events! I know we’re on opposite sides of the US but maybe one day you will take that step and come see us 😀

      Thank you so much for stopping by and contributing to our discussion!

  4. Cathy said: January 14, 2018 at 8:01 am

    Lara, do you ever do any couples retreats? If so, I’d love to hear about it and possibly attend. Also, I love the information on introverts! I am definitely an extroverted introvert and my significant other is an extrovert to the extreme! Haha. We fit nicely together and understand each other’s needs and wants. I want to continue to further enrich our relationship as we are both divorced and this time we want to do it right. So far so good!! Take care and thank you for all the wonderful insight you provide!

    • Anna -Community Support said: January 19, 2018 at 11:48 am

      Cathy, your feedback is so wonderful! we love that you feel that Lara’s insight is wonderful 🙂 I will definitely pass on the suggestion about couple’s retreats, we don’t have something like that yet but Johnny and Lara are always looking for ways to spread their message of Love <3

      Thank you for stopping by, we really appreciate it!

  5. Vicki said: April 4, 2017 at 9:01 pm

    While I’m too far away to attend you live event, I really appreciate that you bring up the topic of introversion, and even honor this trait in people by designing the workshop to suit our needs. It can be really hard for us to make shifts during events where we can’t express ourselves comfortably and fully when the group dynamics feel overwhelming.
    I’m an introvert who prefers one-on-one interactions with people and gets completely lost in groups of more than 3. I get drained in larger groups and still need my recharge time whether I interact with them or only try to do it. Not that the number is the issue, but the tendency of larger groups to have more chaotic conversation where people compete for their “talking time” instead of trying to listen.
    Strangely, in my relationships I always attracted extroverts (at least where the mutual attraction was there). And usually, I feel somewhat abandoned when the happily join a small-talking group, which I am unable to do and enjoy. I tend to judge myself as selfish and needy when it looks like they prefer to spend more time with strangers than with their partner. That’s probably my greatest relationship challenge.

    All the best with your event and keep up your good quality services.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: April 19, 2017 at 2:22 pm

      Thank you so much Vicki!

  6. Sheila said: April 4, 2017 at 11:37 am

    Really really thoughtful blog. You have it right on! I’m that extroverted introvert too.

    My jobs have been “out there amongst them”, in a leader type role so my persona might fool many. My recharge needs have been so huge, so much so after I let go a job I created for the masses to gain from (I’m the Founder, 1986, was Director/Manager of two Napa Valley farmers markets working 60-70 hours/week for ten years before computers and cell phone).

    I have now since realized my burnout stems from fried adrenals and as I learn, a deep thyroid issue that I’ve suffered all the symptoms since high school. My weariness and pain caused my husband to have an affair since he wasn’t getting the attention he deserved and extra income that I was too worn out to pursue.

    Divorce after 27 years with a man I was dreaming of spending the rest of my life with has caused further depletion, emotional pain, with anxiety and depression. With no spousal support I’m struggling with fear to find substantial work and an appropriate love life.
    There is no way I’m in a position to do online dating as many have encouraged. Way too wearisome for me to deal with.

    Thank you for reading and understanding!
    I know you live fairly close to me as I work in Napa, commute from Calistoga.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: April 28, 2017 at 6:21 am

      Thanks for your comment, Sheila. It sounds like you’ve been through a LOT over the years. I truly hope you find the joy in the partnership that you seek. And it starts with you becoming your own soulmate first. That’s what our teachings are based on, in our telecourses, our popular Love Breakthrough Weekend and other programs. It starts with you. I hope you’ll keep reading this blog and keep learning and growing and maybe we’ll get to meet you at our Love Breakthrough Weekend coming up this month in April or the other one in May!

      Wishing you all the best!