17 Brutal Truths About Finding Love Nobody Wants to Admit


Do you remember that famous line by Jack Nicholson in the movie “A Few Good Men”? :

“You want the truth?!? You CAN’T HANDLE the truth!” Sometimes the truth is hard to share, especially such a topic as soft and lovely as finding love… and especially when I’m sharing it with people who want their soulmate journey to be like a sparkly fairy tale. Well, sometimes it IS like a fairy tale, but much of the time, it’s NOT. Like anything else worth attaining, finding love (and then KEEPING it alive) is hard sometimes and not for the faint of heart!

This is why Johnny and I deliver a 3 day experiential camp as the culmination of our full-year advanced program (The Love Launch Program). The name of that camp? Love Warrior Training Camp. Notice the word “warrior” in the name. Yes, love, too… but it’s a Love WARRIOR. Because there WILL be times in your life that you WILL need to pick up the metaphorical sword of the Warrior and wield it with love, cutting away all the crap that is stopping you from finding love, from keeping love alive and from living the life you’ve always dreamed of. In this highly experiential program, you PRACTICE (not just talk about or philosophize on the subject) BEING a Love Warrior, so that nothing can stop you from the life you desire, not even yourself.

So with that being said, I give you: [Love Warrior-style]
The 17 Brutal Truths About Finding Love Nobody Wants to Admit

  1. It’s possible that you never will find your Mr. Right. Sorry, honey. But this is the truth. There are plenty of folks that have gone to their grave without ever having connected with the man of their dreams. Doesn’t mean they weren’t wonderful people with a lot to offer, but for a variety of reasons (usually around it just not being THAT important for them), they couldn’t find the one for them. With this being said, I’m NOT saying to just throw up your hands and give up!
  2. Your obsession with finding a man is what prevents its attainment. If you are continually preoccupied or worried about catching a man, and that’s all you’re focusing on… that is what I call an OBSTACLE to finding him! Allow me to explain: You’re not looking for just any man, right? You’re looking for the love of your life, the alpha to your omega. So, something needs to change within YOU first to be able to do and see things differently, so you can get a different and better result. Start practicing NATO, No Attachment To Outcome, EVEN AS you make finding love a priority. Oh, and “making it a priority” is VERY different than obsessing and worrying about it. Worry does not = work, but that’s a blog post for another day.
  3. You will never be perfect, and neither will your soulmate. You will always have some faults and some quirks, as will your guy. You are human. You will make mistakes and so will he. When Johnny and I interviewed an amazing couple who were married over 67 years, we asked them what their secret was. Among other things, they said, “forgiveness of each other and a willingness to keep learning and growing”.
  4. Finding love in a conscious and intentional way will take longer than you think and longer than you’d like it to. (in other words, not waiting to just get lucky or just settling for any guy that comes along) That’s all I’m going to say about this. Don’t settle. Don’t give up (that’s where being a Love Warrior comes in).
  5. You need to take 100% responsibility for your life in order to find love. Victim minded people rarely become victors of their lives. Ditch the victim mentality. You CAN change your fate, regardless of your past.
  6. When something feels off in a relationship, it usually is. Many, many women don’t listen to their intuition and ignore the red flags. This is a habit and it’s something we help them break in our courses and programs. Practice listening to your intuition in the “little things” of life BEFORE you start dating a guy… your intuition is like a muscle: use it or lose it.
  7. Once you find your Mr. Right, there is still more learning to do about how to BE in a healthy, loving, lifetime relationship! And it’s not easy! Most women think that if they can just find that mystical unicorn of a man they call a soulmate, that it’ll all be so easy and won’t require effort. Nope, nope, nope. Like all relationships, they exist to help you both grow, learn about yourselves, and evolve. As Rumi said, “If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?” Relationships, especially soulmate relationships, exist partially to help you “polish that mirror”! If you aren’t willing to do some “polishing” now, you won’t be ready when Mr. Perfect comes along either.
  8. You want to be someone’s wife and mother someday? You’ve got to learn to OWN that role NOW. What do I mean? I mean, start getting clear on what those roles will look like for you. When you are a wife (and maybe mother, if that’s what you want)… how will you be? How will you talk, walk, engage with the world and interact with your husband? Start energetically stepping into that role now.
  9. Things don’t really change until YOU change. Wherever you go, there you are. In other words, you bring yourself (and your issues and patterns) with you. If you’ve ever noticed that you seem to mysteriously attract similar types of guys with similar issues (lack of commitment, not emotionally available, etc), then it’s YOU that has an unhealthy pattern. That pattern must be changed for you to attract someone different- and better.redflowergirl
  10.  Your level of beauty, your wrinkles, and your weight mean very little when it comes to finding a QUALITY man (or woman) to spend your life with. In other words, focusing on these things is a waste of time. YOU may be obsessed with your new wrinkles around your eyes, or the size of your nose… and members of your family may have been unkind to you about them over the years… but, let me tell you something: a healthy (meaning emotionally mature and stable), masculine man who’s TRULY interested in you could NOT CARE LESS about these things!!!!! I promise you. If you date someone who tells you that you have to change your nose, or lose weight, or get rid of your wrinkles, you need to turn around and walk out the door immediately!
  11.  Investing in yourself isn’t selfish. In fact, it’s the most worthwhile thing you can do. You do you, boo-boo. Putting time, energy and money in learning about yourself, about relationships and men will be an investment you’ll never regret… and your beloved will benefit, too.
  12.  “Instant chemistry” with someone usually is temporary and fleeting, so stop chasing fireworks and get real about what really matters for a long term, loving, healthy relationship that allows the passion and chemistry to grow and expand. Many people think that instant chemistry is what they need to determine who’s going to be a match for them. WRONG. C’mon, think about that for a moment. Think of the relationships where you had those instant fireworks that pretty quickly faded in the light of day, in the light of the deep, Love Warrior commitment it takes to STAY connected, open, authentic, loving and in love with each other. If HEAT didn’t keep you with that last cute guy, it won’t with the next guy. What’s REALLY hot is someone who you get more hot for every month and year, and he for you. THAT’s hot!
  13.  Your dreams of finding your true love mean very little without action. Dreams are great. Making a vision board: awesome. Law of Attraction principles? Love them! HOWEVER, if you have a pattern of attracting the wrong type of man for you over and over, all the LOA techniques will only get you more of the same type of guy! Those unhealthy patterns and blocks MUST be healed and addressed in order to start attracting someone different- and better than ever! There’s NEVER just ONE reason why someone isn’t able to find the right relationship, so delving into what’s going on right now makes sense, none of us knows how many reasons there are for us. And in my experience (for myself and my clients) there’s WAY more reasons than we realize at first.
  14.  Yes, you are right: the clock is ticking. Time is your most important asset, start getting clear on what your true priorities are and act accordingly. You have both the power and the responsibility to decide what you are going to do with your time, so choose wisely.
  15.  Being alone and single longer you want to be is painful. It hurts. Don’t try to play it off like it doesn’t. I’m not saying go around boo-hooing all over the place, but don’t engage in the typical “stuff it down” behaviors like overworking, overeating, over-busy-busy-busying when none of that calms the ache in your heart. You want to be in a relationship, with your man, don’t be ashamed of that- embrace it! You already know that the next raise or promotion or car or dress won’t soothe your soul (not that those things aren’t nice, and congrats), so be real about it with yourself and start having your life reflect what’s in your heart. Stop stuffing down your truth. You’ll feel better.
  16.  Yes. You’re getting older and many men are looking for younger. Are you looking for MANY men or the RIGHT man for you? My guess is you are looking for your One. One man. Is there ONE good man, warm hearted, strong, caring, and interested in…YOU? Yes. Probably way more than one. The man that is looking for a woman that could pass for his daughter isn’t really the guy you’re looking for anyway, so who cares about him? Again, you do you. And yes, put some Love Warrior energy into this one!
  17.  If you’re not nearly doubling the time, energy, attention, and money you put into learning about yourself, learning about relationships, learning to love yourself and your life every year once you decide that you are SERIOUS about wanting to find your Mr Right then you’re just fooling yourself about how important this is for you. There isn’t just one reason why someone who wants to be happily married to the right man for her isn’t, after many years…so what’s going on? It takes dedicated focus to learn the answer for you. It’s different for everyone. Once I was ready to find my soulmate, once I was SERIOUS: my investment in myself went way up. My self assessment (sometimes YAY! Sometimes ouch!) went WAY up. After over 16 years being together with the love of my life I’m glad I did. You will be too.

As you contemplate these “17 brutal truths”, what clicked for you? And what are you feeling the most frustrated about in your search for love lately? Please share in the comments below here on the blog, and I’ll get back to you.


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  1. Jen said: December 11, 2018 at 1:21 pm

    I know a another man likes me…but I know he would “stifle” me w/too much affection…thr4 i withdraw away from such men…i’m 70…I thought my 2 yr dating a younger man 57 was enuf…but he wanted younger…but STILL wanted me around…why is that? When I found out he got a 28 yr old “hoe” pregnant while dating me…that’s it…I ended it! Still tries to contact me…but that’s not for me! I notice men looking this grey haired…wrinkled a bit woman…but they don’t do anything to me…initially I just want to scream.. “Whr r t/men” who I want to attract? My age but healthy! Willing to reach out & ask me out…if I dated a lot of men…I’d b looked at as a “w…e!” Not for me either! Online looking is t/pitiful men site! They don’t even know how to write a good opening line of words! Or much less dress for their pics online! I’d rather b single…I ask for non smoker…non drinker…not into golf…too many sports…what do I c…all of t/above!!! 🙁 HELP!

  2. Karen said: December 4, 2018 at 6:32 am

    I’ve always treated myself well externally but not so much internally. This will change my “self talk” and to trust my intuition more.I’m now understanding it’s all about balance!

  3. Shirley said: October 5, 2018 at 7:13 am

    I’ve been legally married to the man I thought was my soulmate, for 14 years now. I’m gonna be 49 next week, he’s 42. But we’ve been separated for a couple years now, our 2 teenage girls stay with me. He’s been an over the road truck driver for the last 12 year’s. He was the ONLY person I had ever fully trusted my whole life. I’ve had a very rough life and trust issues, until I met him. I’ve found out the last 2 year’s that without my knowledge he’s had a year long affair with my sister, and right now is living with his 25 year old girlfriend. He keeps telling me he loves me and wants us to work on us so we can be together again. It’s really hard on me to let go of him because my love for him has always been there with everything in me! I no I don’t trust him or if I could ever truly trust him again but I’m struggling with what to do, do I tell him to leave me alone so I can try to heal or wait to see what happens with us??? I’m so confused and hurting inside, I feel like I have no direction in life what so ever. Completely Lost!!!!

  4. Lianne said: June 12, 2018 at 10:15 am

    So great to read this article having completed your course some years back. Everything covered on the course helped me to attract “the lovely man” but the real work begins in the relationship. Thank you for always giving us these gems of knowledge and for continuing to do the work yourselves in order for your blog/podcast etc to be so authentic. You and your family are a true blessing to the world and I give thanks for you often.
    Much love,

  5. Cindy said: March 14, 2018 at 12:19 pm

    I really love and appreciate your clarity Lara. And what resonates most for me is the claiming of the part of me that is a Love Warrior. I want to explore that part of me and what that means for me. I don’t think I have allowed this part of me to come forward before and I am looking forward to getting to know her and trusting her innate knowing and guidance…
    thanks so much!

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 14, 2018 at 3:25 pm

      Cindy, I’m so happy that this article spoke to you. Yes, tapping into and cultivating the Love Warrior inside is not something most of us women have been taught to do. In our advanced LoveLaunch Program, we have Love Warrior Training Camp, which is where our clients step into and embody the Love Warrior, many for the first time in their lives! Very powerful!

      Thanks for your comment.

  6. Lisa said: March 14, 2018 at 11:45 am

    Hi Lisa here, I find this so real and every phrase resonates in side me. Just feel in this moment the need to say that to you. I have been single, dating etc since I separated from my husband 5 years ago and meet men but not enough! I think I have a problem with prioritising my time!. I am a positive open minded intelligent women and know that I will find a worthy partner to share my life eventually. I have read countless books and done courses to improve all aspects of my life including relationships. I just felt like sharing this with you as you eloquently empower us women around the world. So nice to share love this piece 💞

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 14, 2018 at 3:34 pm

      Thank you for sharing this, Lisa.

      Yes, prioritizing TIME is a huge issue for so many women. In a world where we are encouraged and rewarded even for working at our jobs or busienss more and more even to the point of exhaustion, then coming home and doing for everyone and everything else, putting ourselves on our very long and exhausting ‘to do’ list is tough.

      Treating yourself as if you’re important, meaning you invest time in yourself (and energy and attention and money) and in your hopes and dreams is the point when things begin to change.

      Something I’ll suggest, is to watch out for doing things that are all on the same level (ie all books, online courses with no personal touch, etc), after 5 years maybe it’s time to step that UP, as a woman who is positive, open minded,and intelligent you never want ot stop learning and growing.

      Oh, and you mentioned meeting ‘enough’ men, its not about the number, it’s about the type and quality. That changes and uplevels when you do.

      Thank you for your wonderful comments. I’m glad the article resonated with you.

  7. Elizabeth said: March 14, 2018 at 11:07 am

    Number #2 hurts deeply. It’s like I am obsessed with it and I am super worried. I have cared for other people my entire life and I have made a friend with a guy who has epilepsy. We have a lot in common but no chemistry and I don’t see myself caring for someone the rest of my life, as selfish as that might seem. I want to be a mom, but I keep hearing my dad saying, ‘You shouldn’t be a mother’, or a woman who said, ‘I hope you NEVER have children’. This has stuck with me for a long time and I wonder if I am not right to have children. I fret that they will have bipolar mania and depression. Giving those genes to an innocent is just plain wrong and selfish. I shouldn’t want that, even for my husband. He wouldn’t know how to handle it. I don’t think I am difficult but I do tend to be hard on myself because I want to make other people happy. I’m a bit too much of a people pleaser. I just fear that I will end up alone, old, forgotten and left behind. A lot of younger guys are after me, and I find that very hopeful but no matter what I do, I fail. I am trying, believe me. I guess I’m ‘very trying’ at best.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 14, 2018 at 3:41 pm

      Sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Remember… “making it a priority” is VERY different than obsessing and worrying about it. Worry does not = work, but that’s a blog post for another day.

  8. lisa said: March 14, 2018 at 10:50 am

    I remember feeling like I was so tired of being single and in the dating world that when I felt a ‘click’ of connection with a man that I told myself that I was going to go with it as it felt right at the time but over time it proved that the men were toxic in one way or another and I don’t date around so I was with just them and feeling like all relationship ‘high’s’ fade and are actually work I would stay but end up doing most of the work myself. trying everything I could read about or find to turn things around. backing off and giving him space to come back but one particular man just kept it going enough with a couple of daily texts and it never felt like a full fledged relationship. we would talk of the future but his eye contact was off and short answers did not make me feel reassusrred to the level of seriousness.
    Ugh…looking to change these patterns and figure out earlier on what to look for so I don’t vest monthes or years anymore. finding a more mutual relationship.


    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 14, 2018 at 3:33 pm

      Thanks for sharing, Lisa. In order to change those patterns, you’ll want to commit to becoming your own soulmate first. What do I mean by “become your own soulmate first”? Invest time, energy and money in learning about yourself, about how your past affects your relationships today, learning about men and relationships in general. This is the best investment you will ever make in yourself, because your new knowledge and new beliefs will help you make healthier and healthier choices in men and in every area of your life. You simply won’t let yourself settle ever again. This is the kind of work we do with our clients in our Love Breakthrough Course and our Live Love Breakthrough Weekend. It’s powerful and life-changing.

  9. yuta said: March 14, 2018 at 10:04 am

    Loved the article! I have a question tho – what did Lara mean with #1??? If the reality is that not everyone finds a partner/soulmate why put in sooo much energy looking for one? After a certain point
    it then almost becomes a waste of energy that could be focused on other ways to enhance ones life, no? Should there almost be a ‘cut-off’ point and after which to move on?

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 14, 2018 at 3:41 pm

      Great question, Yuta! Yes, the reality is that some people don’t meet their soulmate. The majority of those who don’t meet their soulmate just gave up. They just kept hoping and wishing with no real world action to help them become “lucky” enough to find love. Or they didn’t prioritize it. They thought it was just gonna happen with luck or fate. Here’s what important for you to understand: If you still have the desire and the drive inside of you for finding Mr. Right, than that means it is possible for you! God/The Universe doesn’t put a desire like that in your heart without also providing the means for you to have it. Your “job” is to get help, support, guidance and guidelines to help you become your own soulmate first, so your soulmate can find you and you can live the life of your dreams with him. Hope this is helpful and clarifies things.

  10. Linda said: March 14, 2018 at 7:11 am

    I remember hearing Steve Harvey saying that a man will do anything for the right woman. If they need to change they will change. If the woman isn’t the right one, no dice.

    I have a tendency to ignore those little signs that something is off in relationship.
    I do have good intuition but I think I do this to myself in an effort to be too generous in my judgement of other people.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 14, 2018 at 3:45 pm

      Hey Linda, that’s true that a quality man will do anything for the right woman. Not so sure about the ‘will change’ part, that tends to keep many women hoping for change that isn’t coming, and partnering up/marrying for ‘his potential’. What we teach is ‘what you see is what you get’ so the real issue then becomes, what/who are you seeing and WHY? That’s what our courses and programs are all about.

      Breaking through what within is blocking a GOOD man from being what/who you see. Your soulmate doesn’t need to change, he is who he is and you LOVE that about him, and that allows you to feel relaxed, knowing that you can be who you are and he loves that about YOU. Nice, huh?

      Oh, and ‘ignoring the little signs that something is OFF in a relationship’ means that your intuition could use some upleveling and/or new training. Your intuition brought you here, so that’s good, now what will you do from here?


  11. Wendy said: March 14, 2018 at 1:10 am

    Number 5 and number 8 definitely!
    I just realized yesterday I’m putting parts of my life ‘on hold’ until I meet my man. Now asking myself the question; if I wasn’t waiting to live, before i meet a man, what would I do today?

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 14, 2018 at 3:45 pm

      Wendy, that’s a great question. I’ve always said that that quality of your life is determined by the depth and the quality of the questions you’re willing to ask yourself and answer honestly. I’d also advise (if you’re not doing this already) investing time, energy and money in becoming your own soulmate first and being a Student of Love, which means you are investing time, energy and money in learning about yourself and how you do relationships, learning about men and how they tick and learning about your beliefs and behaviors and how they’ve shaped your love life so far. That’s the type of work we do with our clients.

  12. Gisella said: March 14, 2018 at 12:52 am

    Dearest Lara, I agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. I have been single for almost six years now, and am currently working a lot on my blocks and my generational problems to solve them and to get to love myself at last, after 56 years of self-loathing. I have decided I will have another relationship only with the right man, and will not accept any compromise. Thanks a lot. Gisella

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 14, 2018 at 3:51 pm

      Gisella, congratulations on working on your blocks and beginning to love yourself! You are on a journey that is life changing! That commitment to being what we call a Student of Love is the major pivot point for many women.

  13. Veronica said: March 13, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    Agreed, people look at finding a mate as if it were something you do in passing and some people in relationships won’t admit the work that they put in to find a mate.

    Anything you want you’ve got to take the time and work for it…NO short cuts, like getting a degree, a career, saving money, buying a house ALL require a level of pre-commitment that produce a result.

    Im 47 with a 7 year old child. I was so busy building a career, jet setting and well living, I forgot about having a family. I was blessed with a pregnancy and child but, cursed by a failed relationship. So far marriage has not landed on me yet and I’ve noticed that I only give a thought about a relationship during those “relationship” holidays and during “couple” occasions.

    Im not putting in much effort because well, ive concluded, im truly happy and my relationship investments are with my friends and raising a happy human. BUT if meet someone that prompts me to question if I can sustain my current level of happiness with them if yes is the answer imma give it a go.

    However, i don’t want to be the last chick at the club trying to say yes to anyone who will ask. I hope my future involves a porch, a rocking chair, conversation and walks holding hands with a man reminiscing anout the 70’s, 80′, 90′ and the 00’s.

    And that, take a plan of action..Old and alone NO……


    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 14, 2018 at 3:58 pm

      Veronica, thank you for your share. I will be the first to share with God and everybody that I invested years of time, energy and money into becoming my own soulmate first and learning about men and myself (so I wouldn’t be making unconscious mistakes again and again). That was the best money I ever spent on myself! You are totally right: Anything you want you’ve got to invest time, energy and money in that process. If you want to be a doctor, you invest time, energy and money in going to college and then med school, and you listen to your teachers and follow their guidance. You don’t try to make up your own path. You follow the path that has been laid down by many, many others before you. Only after you’ve accomplished your goal of becoming a doctor, can you help make the path smoother for others after you. That is the work we do with our clients in our Love Breakthrough Weekend and in our advanced programs. As we get into this level of learning about themselves, their whole lives uplevel as a result of that kind of investment and commitment… and their Mr. Right becomes the cherry on top of their amazing lives! It’s really awesome. That’s what having a real plan of action with expert guidance can do! Thanks for your share.

  14. Melody said: March 13, 2018 at 8:33 pm

    The part of me getting older and men wanting younger clicked , I was left for a younger woman by my ex , I was 29 and she was 20 , I have such a fear of being left again , I’ve been on my own for 18 years and terrified to get involved again .

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 14, 2018 at 4:01 pm

      Melody, my highest recommendation is that you now commit to YOURSELF first and foremost. Become your own soulmate first. That is the best plan of action! Blessings!

  15. olimpa said: March 13, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    Number 15 hit me. After a few disappointments in relationships, I’ve pretty much given up. I’m in my early 40’s and I work a lot now, hang out with friends. But after reading this article made me wonder if I’m trying to cover my pain by keeping myself busy. I even had the idea that if your not looking for love it’ll find me. This is the reason why I stopped looking. But the more I observe other relationships sometimes the whole concept of meeting your prince in shiny armor diminishes it seems like it’s overrated now.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 15, 2018 at 10:41 am

      Olimpa, thanks for your authentic share. One of the first obstacles to finding Mr. Right is actually BEING REAL with yourself about how it feels to keep trying to find him and it isn’t happening. It’s important to really take stock and be honest with yourself about your life and your dreams. And finding lasting love isn’t about getting out there more (at least at first), it’s really about getting IN more. Discovering and releasing the biggest unconscious blocks that you have to finding your soulmate. This is the kind of important work that we do with single ladies who are ready to find their man. I invite you to consider investing time, energy and yes, money in this area of your life… just as you do with anything else that’s important to you. Commit to being what we call a Student of Love. In just a few days, we’ll be giving out an amazing opportunity to find out more about our live, in person Love Breakthrough Weekend with Johnny and me. If you’d like to find out more, you can get on the “Be the First To Know” list. The time to work with us at all this year starts in April, so if you’re really ready to have some breakthroughs around your life and your love life, just put your email in here: https://johnnyandlara.com/be-the-first-to-know

      Sending you blessings on your journey,

  16. Shari said: March 13, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    I’m 96. Can I find love. Never been married

    • Veronica said: March 13, 2018 at 9:27 pm


      That’s awesome, it’s never to late for love.
      I can only imagine you’ve had some great loves in your life over the years.

      Why do you think you never marrie

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 15, 2018 at 10:42 am

      Our oldest client was 76. She committed to the process and found her soulmate in 6 months. If she can do it, so can you, Shari!

  17. Tara said: March 13, 2018 at 7:41 pm

    13 hit me good. I’ve been single 10 years and almost 40. I have raised my son on my own that long since birth. I’ve dated here and there, but the older I get the more I know exactly what I want. LOA just isn’t working for me. Too many walls? Too busy with my job and my son or am I not prioritizing and getting out enough? I know exactly what I want. Am I holding on to that too tightly? Is there really a soulmate out there for an attractive, smart, single mom who is raising an autistic child? Is that even realistic or should I just be set on staying single the rest of my life because I’m good with that if I’m not going to meet Mr. Right.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 15, 2018 at 10:49 am

      Tara, we have coached many, many single moms to couplehood. They had to be willing to let go of any belief that their child(ren) were a block to their Mr. Right. Sometimes, they didn’t believe us at first. But they leaned on our strong belief and conviction that soulmate love is for EVERYBODY who has a deep desire for it and who is willing to invest time, energy and money in doing the inner work to remove blocks and blind spots to love. This is the kind of inner work we do with the amazing ladies who come to learn from us live at our Love Breakthrough Weekend. We have one coming up in April and another one in May of 2018. The next ones are in April of 2019. So if you’re ready to make this your year for love, get on the waiting list now: https://johnnyandlara.com/be-the-first-to-know
      In the meantime, I really want you to know that you CAN find him. If our other clients can do it, so can you! You need a plan, a path and guides. Just like in any other area of life when you’re trying to accomplish something that somebody else has done.

  18. jackie said: March 13, 2018 at 7:06 pm

    #16 really hit home for me! I’m in my late 60’s and the age range of guys that I like (mid 60s-mid 70s) are looking for younger women. I’m athletic, stay in shape, fairly attractive, and have my own money but it doesn’t matter. I don’t want someone in their 50’s – what would we talk about? Help?

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 15, 2018 at 10:57 am

      Jackie, it’s important to not paint all men with such a broad brush. Yes, it’s true that many men in their 60-70’s are looking for someone younger… AND it’s true that all you need is one. ONE good man who knows that an amazing woman closer to his age is going to be a better match for him. Our oldest client was 76. She committed to our Love Breakthrough Process and within 6 months, had found her soulmate! They got married 6 months after that… and have been traveling the world ever since! Another client, Linda, was 75. She had been single for 24 years, had tried and tried going about finding love on her own all that time, and then found us, decided that time is not infinite and committed to working with us in our advanced program, and within one year of that commitment to herself, found and married her beloved soulmate, Doug, 84 years young, who adores her. They just got married last October! We haven’t updated our site yet, but we have many, many testimonials and pictures of women 60+ who’ve found their beloveds. But the commitment to being a Student of Love, and investing time, energy and money in this area of life is what precedes the finding. If you’d really like some help, we’d love to help you. Here’s how: https://johnnyandlara.com/be-the-first-to-know

  19. Michelle said: March 13, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    Great list. Many things are known but #15 really resonated with me. After a divorce at 49 and years of getting my finances and kids back in a stable and healthy way, I found myself too tired to look for love. It became easier not to look around anymore. And I know that is my reality. Maybe I don’t want it enough because I felt it was too exhausting on top of my work and raising kids but that’s a lie. Maybe I wanted to be a hedonist for a while and just think about me (which I needed to finally do at this late age). But now, I’m not sure it’s in the cards for me. I am strong, smart, funny and get along with men pretty well but I know I am not giving off the vibe that I am interested or even looking. And one cannot admit that they truly want love if they are not really actively checking out what is around them. I have had many long term relationships in my life and I don’t think there is a soulmate for me out there and if there is, I’d probably be skeptical and ruin it. It’s a shame that some people never find their other half. I see people happy all the time. But I see more people lonely. And I am seeing more people (women) learning to please themselves in a solitary life. I don’t know where we are heading, but the days of my youth where I believed in dreams on a relationship level seem to be over. Open to change? Id like to think I am. But Id also like to think if I saw something interesting, Id pursue it. I just dont see anything…for 9 years! Sigh… enjoy what you have. Not everyone meets who they should be with or maybe they do, but its the wrong time or something. Take care and carry on. Many lonely people to help!

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 15, 2018 at 11:06 am

      Michelle, thank you for your authenticity and sharing your inner reality right now. I’m sending you a hug. Here’s the thing: I beg to differ that you 100% believe “the days of my youth where I believed in dreams on a relationship level seem to be over”. If that was 100% true, you wouldn’t be here- you would never have subscribed to this mailing list. You wouldn’t be taking the time to write and share and comment here on this blog. So there’s a little pilot light inside of you that’s still burning. It’s the light of hope. It may be small. But it’s there. Yes, you’re tired. And sounds like you’re a little jaded and cynical (Please know I’m saying this with all respect. I am calling it like I see it from your words). But something inside of you is here. I invite you to just commit to YOU first. Forget about getting out there more. What you need right now is to GET IN MORE. Become your own soulmate first. That’s the work we do with our clients. It’s not a numbers game. It’s an INNER game. If you want to become your own soulmate first, and you want to know how to do that, we’d like to help. Find out more here: https://johnnyandlara.com/be-the-first-to-know

  20. Derrin said: March 13, 2018 at 6:23 pm

    16 – men are looking for younger! I have spent a vast amount of time and energy doing tbe inner work as well as keeping myself fut, healthy a d beautiful! I will be 72 this year and am a very young vibrant 72. But dating profiles on the internet throw this out in everyones face and I do not want a grumpy old man! I want a younger man still virile and full of energy. They don’t take up older w/o men! I would prefer to meet people in a way my age us not broadcast so that I can meet younger men on merit not on age. How do I do that?

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 15, 2018 at 11:20 am

      Derrin, the work we do with women is inner work. Our advice is always going to lead you to look within first. To look at your blocks and beliefs that are holding back love from finding you. We’ve had many, many 60+ years young clients over the past 13 years we’ve been doing this coaching work find their soulmates online. It’s not about the venue. It’s about you, first. There’s not one special place somewhere out there where all the good men are gathered, hiding out from women. Good men are everywhere. But most women are missing them because of their unconscious blocks and beliefs about men, and about themselves. This is what we focus on in our coaching. If that’s something you’re interested in finding out more about, check this out: https://johnnyandlara.com/be-the-first-to-know
      By the way, our oldest client was 76 years young. She found her guy online, 6 months after committing to becoming her own soulmate first by working with us. Another lady was 75 years young, after committing to the inner work with us, within one year she was married to her soulmate. If they can do it, so can you. But you have to be willing to have a new way of thinking about this process. We’d love to help.

  21. Em said: March 27, 2017 at 12:04 pm

    I really do worry about weight loss & could do with losing a minimum of 2 & half stone it effects my self esteem how I dress etc… are you saying it does not matter ? As I also worry about lose skin when I lose it : ( xXx

    • Anna -Community Support said: January 19, 2018 at 6:44 pm

      Hi Em, thank you so much for your comment! And let me say, if it matters to you, then it matters! What Lara is saying is that your perfect partner will not see those “flaws” as a deal breaker, and it will not make them love you less…but if your weight (for example) is causing self esteem issues and YOU want to lose weight for yourself, then it is something you should pursue because if that is going to make you happy then that will translate into a higher self esteem…and it will start affecting your mood/feelings in a positive way! Your feelings are so important, and your worries are valid, we highly encourage you to look into whatever you think will help you and make YOU happy! <3

  22. Jessica said: December 17, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    So glad to be re-reading this post! A nice dose of inspiration to support me as I move forward on my love Journey. Thanks Lara!


    • Anna -Community Support said: January 19, 2018 at 6:44 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Jessica! 🙂

  23. Wendy said: October 5, 2016 at 11:27 am

    I seem to end up with men who have issues such as: drug addiction, sex addiction, narcissism and bi-polar issues. They all start out as the nicest guys on the planet while hiding who they really are. How do I break this cycle?

    • Anna -Community Support said: January 19, 2018 at 6:45 pm

      Wendy, it’s great that you can accept that there is a cycle and you can recognize that something might need tweaking! I invite you to continue following the content posted by Johnny and Lara, and I also want to share this with you, I think you will find it interesting! http://menofqualitydoexist.com/

  24. Linda R. Hawes said: September 26, 2016 at 8:40 am

    Hi Johnny and Hi Lara,
    Loved re-reading your 17 points about love. And getting into a relationship for me with someone began in the spring of 2016 during your LLTP course. It’s all about trusting the process, being willing to really listen to inner guidance and also to that other person. In my situation, the man who has imprinted himself on me is really a good friend – for the time being. He is 10 years older. I am 74. I am listening to his voice but also hearing and paying attention to mine. Often fear crops up. I question. Then I re-read recent emails and get a better view. We are 5 hours apart by car, so we are taking our time and paying attention to growing. It’s scary. It’s fun. It’s an adventure and remembering – what I do in one thing is how I do everything – is helping me really be honest. So thanks for helping me grow-up. Linda xo

    • Anna -Community Support said: January 19, 2018 at 6:47 pm

      Linda! Oh my goodness your post put the biggest smile on my face! what a wonderful thing to read 😀 we are so happy for you and thank you for your kind words. <3

  25. Sophie E said: September 23, 2016 at 11:01 am

    Hi there, so, I’m curious to know what you think about men advertising as, “Single,” on a dating site when in fact they are not yet divorced. I hear friends talk like this is normal, “He’s in the process.” Like I should accept this. To me, that man is not available. Is this one of those “brutal truths” that sometimes your dream man comes as still married? I have heard of this working out but to me, I am skeptical. Especially from the initial deception. Thank you!

    • Anna -Community Support said: January 19, 2018 at 6:49 pm

      Sophie, if it’s something you feel that is not acceptable for you then that is a valid feeling! Divorce is a hard process but it is important to start a new relationship with a clean slate and feel trust from the very beginning!

      I want to invite you to our upcoming event: http://menofqualitydoexist.com/ maybe it will be of interest to you!

  26. Lin said: September 23, 2016 at 9:53 am

    After listening too one of your videos, I don’t think having a fullfilling relationship has been a deep down core belief. I was raised without a father, as was my mother and she said we did not need a man . I had no example,I married young someone cold and we lead totally separate non emotional lives. I am realizing now i do need and want emotional fulfillment with a man. I have just divorced at 54 and trying to figure out how to get and give what i need. The first man i became involved with seemed emotional , very tender but now has turned out to be identical to my husband not emotionally available. I am trying to break the pattern but I am not sure at this point how.

    • Anna -Community Support said: January 19, 2018 at 6:52 pm

      Hi Lin, thank you so much for sharing that with us! it’s definitely a hard spot to be in, ending a marriage (even under the circumstances you describe) and starting to date again can be a challenge. It sounds like you are open to learn and make changes, that is a great first step! I want to tell you about one of our upcoming events: http://menofqualitydoexist.com/ you might find something that you feel might help you! 😀

  27. Lisanne said: September 21, 2016 at 8:07 pm

    I love your podcast and your willingness to connect with us; thank you! I agree with all of your suggestions wholeheartedly. Let me ask you this: why am I attracting perpetually unavailable men? How do I do the work to find out why I’m repeating this pattern? Thanks!

    • Lara Fernandez said: September 27, 2016 at 2:52 pm

      Thanks for your questions. They are the same questions I had when I was single and dating!
      Here’s another brutal truth: If you keep attracting unavailable men, they are MIRRORS for you. What I mean is, there is somewhere in your mind and heart where you are unavailable. Please know I say this with all respect. But this is the painful truth I had to face, too. And with help and guidance to from a good love coach, you can find out where you are putting out those unavailable vibes and clear them up. In my experience, they are simply a blind spot for most women, so we need support from a compassionate, experienced love coach to uncover them.
      You asked: How do you do the work to find out why you’re repeating this pattern. This is the reason we offer our telecourses, our Love Breakthrough Weekend and our advanced programs: to help amazing women like you do that inner work with guidance and support from Johnny and me (so you get a masculine and feminine perspective from a couple who’s BEEN THERE). Stay tuned! We’d love to support you in doing your inner work so you can fall in love… with yourself, with your life, and with the RIGHT man for you.

  28. Laura Kaufman Weisbord said: September 21, 2016 at 2:58 am

    oh my u r correct in all u say.optimism is important,though i believe that love is as perennial as flowers. we need to tend the soil of ourselves to assure that love grows. thank you for sharing so much wisdom. Never give up is the one that most resonates for me.

    • Lara Fernandez said: September 21, 2016 at 3:08 pm


  29. sah said: September 20, 2016 at 8:50 pm

    1.If I never do find Mr Right, I hope I will be enjoying relationships along the way that show that I have improved in my choices. But I keep coming back to this man of my dreams so it must be very important and possible for me.
    2. Sometimes this means deleting an email instead of trying to get all the tips, knowledge, and suggestions I can by reading as many as possible! It means being discerning, even with the emails I choose to look at anymore.
    3. Give me imperfections! I will take them.
    4.I know this one!
    5.No problem.
    6. It has taken years of learning to first of all know what is intuition, 2nd of all listening, and 3rd doing what it tells me to. 
    7.I so want to learn more!
    8.I have been a wife. I am a mother. I just want to be me!
    9.Again, years of learning!
    10.This has been a tough one. I have been focused on my face and wrinkles and so trying to remind myself that the right man will love all of me. This is not a bad thing. I am learning to attract in a different way than just physically. And it is an adjustment but a much-needed one.
    11.This is the best way to handle all relationships!
    12.Chemistry is important to me, but I have been letting it lead me instead of taking the necessary time to build a relationship that includes constancy, consistency, and chemistry.
    13.Layer after layer! Just how many are there?And when will enough actually be enough? Ugh! 
    14. Yes, in all matters.
    15.Got almost no boo hooing left.
    16.One man. What I could do with one man!
    And those are my responses!

    • Lara Fernandez said: September 21, 2016 at 3:08 pm

      Thanks, Sah!

  30. Kamelia said: September 20, 2016 at 3:00 pm

    The 17th truths are truths and it doesn’t seem to be bruttal if something hurts…in general.
    As for myself I don’t feel any frustration.

    Finding true love might not be easy, keeping it alive might not be easy too but when it’s true love, both partners will be willing and can find a way to keep it alive.

    It’s true that we are not perfect as human beings and will never be perfect but what is important is what was mentioned… “forgiveness of each other and a willingness to keep learning and growing” and the love itself, the love for each other can keep the love alive and the life beautiful and worthy living it.

    • Lara Fernandez said: September 20, 2016 at 4:02 pm


  31. LaTanya said: September 20, 2016 at 1:35 pm

    I resonate with #12. It doesn’t have to be fireworks when you meet. I meet a LOT of good men. And I realize I am the common denominator in all the meetings. I have just the opposite challenge. I have met great men but just none that I feel a connection with. I am dating a gentleman now and he has everything I am looking for in a man… but (you knew that was coming), he talks none stop and I barely get to comment unless I just but in and express myself. Also, I am 58, excellent health, exercise and eat right daily but, my libido is next to none. My gentleman friend enjoys intimacy, not sure if I can or want to keep up with his desires. What do you recommend for someone like me? Other than that he’s a gentleman, understanding, caring, supportive, loves to travel and experience new things as I do, intelligent, financially stable, I could go on. (smiles) Help! Is there a class for me?

    • Lara Fernandez said: September 20, 2016 at 4:02 pm

      If your libido is low/non-existent, you may want to get your hormones checked. Sometimes it’s a matter of naturally balancing them out. Something to consider.
      Also, you might consider just letting him know that you’d love to have more equal airtime in your conversations. You can say that respectfully and see what happens.

  32. Reem said: September 20, 2016 at 11:23 am

    After i took the course for soulmate love my quality of life changed. Im happy now taking it to the next level and finding myself. All of these points are helpful to read, they aren’t brutal anymore,they are a wake up call for the route to happiness.

    Thank you Jonny and Lara!

    • Lara Fernandez said: September 20, 2016 at 3:56 pm

      You’re welcome, Reem. So glad to hear these truths aren’t brutal anymore… they can be at first!

  33. Lanie said: September 20, 2016 at 11:02 am

    This was so helpful! Several points clicked for me, but the delving into the more than one reason I have Not met him (or maybe I have) yet as well as the clock is ticking as well as Yes, it does hurt to be single sometimes, but geez! I have to be selective because I have special qualities that would fit with one type and not the other. I am searching for my Type!

    Thanks so much! This was a truly helpful article.

    • Lara Fernandez said: September 20, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      You’re welcome, Lanie.

  34. Kristi said: September 20, 2016 at 10:25 am

    You forgot to say one last thing….Enjoy the journey!

    • Lara Fernandez said: September 20, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      I agree…. it’s important to enjoy the journey as much as possible. It’s hard sometimes, especially when you’ve been looking and looking for years and nothing seems to change.

    • Catherine said: September 23, 2016 at 2:51 pm

      Right on! Those are all the things I did to attract and finally be with the love of my life. We just got married on Labor Day weekend! 🙂