35+ and too tired to mingle?

21 comments
  1. Finding love in an intentional and conscious way takes perseverance. It’s not for the faint of heart! And yes, it almost ALWAYS take longer than you think it’s going to!
  2. If, after all these years of longing for your Mr. Right, and feeling, at this point, a little disillusioned about “getting out there” again, but there’s still a desire for love inside you…. Then that means that the possibility still exists for you!
  3. It isn’t your imagination…it really IS harder to find love the older you get. That’s for some of the reasons that you already know, and lots of reasons you haven’t even thought about (after over 11 years of coaching thousands of women, I’m 1000% certain of this, yes…even for you).
  4. Something needs to fundamentally shift within your heart for love to come to you. And that kind of change doesn’t just happen on its own… nor does it happen by just dating and dating and “getting out there”.

Listen, what you have been doing so far hasn’t worked yet. But that doesn’t mean that you’re not moving closer to your dreams, right? You are moving forward in your life, but as for your love life…it’s just happening… Way… Too… Slowly. If you want to make a radical difference in your love life, it’s time to focus within.

You don’t need to get out more, darlin’, you need to get IN more.

That’s where the magic is. That’s where the real change happens.

It’s the holiday season now… and the focus in our culture is about giving, giving, giving to OTHERS. And that’s wonderful. But what we’ve seen over the years of working with thousands of women, is that, too often, women don’t give enough to themselves! They deplete and exhaust themselves in the name of serving others and the Christmas/holiday spirit, forgetting to refill their cup first.

Here’s a powerful action step you can take this holiday season, a shift in your actions and your thinking that is about getting IN more and can reap life-changing results:

What if you gave to yourself MORE this holiday season? What I mean by that is: what if, just for this holiday season, you focused MORE of your time, energy and resources on your biggest asset: YOU??

Instead of running around frantically from holiday party to holiday party, hoping to meet your guy in time for a date for New Year’s… what if you just chose ONE holiday party to attend, and then scheduled the rest of the time for YOU?

Take a deep breath…

What if you decided to NOT overspend on your family and friends this year, but instead told everybody that this year, you are on a tight budget, both time and money-wise, and that there will be less of you and your gifts to go around??

heartlady

Breathe…

What if you created those boundaries for yourself this season, and instead of overgiving to everyone else, you try out the radical notion of overgiving to YOURSELF? Investing more time, energy and money in YOU??

What if you spent that time learning more about yourself, about your dreams, about how to BECOME YOUR OWN SOULMATE FIRST, raising your vibration so high, that your soulmate can’t miss you??

We call it “falling in love with yourself, falling in love with you life, and then falling in love with the RIGHT man for you.” And you CAN do that, in fact, you can decide that 2017 is going to be the year of YOU.

What if you gave yourself the gift of YOU this holiday season??

Here’s what I’m betting will happen:

  1. You will learn and grow yourself.
  2. You will feel SO MUCH BETTER about yourself and your life.
  3. You will NOT feel drained and depleted like most people do after the holidays.
  4. Your cup of self love will be so full, you’ll be magnetic!
  5. Your life will take off in the New Year in a way that’s magical and miraculous.
  6. You’ll feel so good, you’ll be shocked at how much better you feel about yourself and your life. You’ll want to do this exercise every holiday season for the rest of your life!

Try it. I challenge you. Let me know in the comments section how you plan to make this holiday season different and better, and how that feels for you. Maybe even your anticipated challenges and the successes you’re looking forward to. You could even come back here in January and tell me how it all went for you. And for now, if you have any questions or comments, I welcome them below. I love to hear from you and do my best to respond to your comments.


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21 Comments...

  1. Ray said: October 30, 2018 at 8:12 am

    57, there is nothing on depression and suicide, I want to be unsubscribe from everything and I don’t want to get anything from anybody else ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again ever again

    Reply
  2. Elizabeth said: August 24, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    Last year was my first holiday without mom and dad and it was hellish. I never asked to be an orphan but mom and dad had me older in life and this year I will be 39 once Christmas hits. I am learning to love myself more and take better care of myself. I will be seeing my family but I won’t be thinking about anything else than enjoying them unlike last year. Last year I was just feeling alone, lost, listless and wondering why most of my friends have the family and children that they have always wanted and I am single. I felt awful. I felt like a turd in the punch bowl, if you will pardon the crass expression. This year though, no. I will be the noisemaker. I always want to make people happy around me no matter what and that’s what I intend to do !

    Reply
  3. Elizabeth said: August 24, 2018 at 6:38 pm

    Last year was my first holiday without mom and dad and it was hellish. I never asked to be an orphan but mom and dad had me older in life and this year I will be 39 once Christmas hits. I am learning to love myself more and take better care of myself. I will be seeing my family but I won’t be thinking about anything else than enjoying them unlike last year. Last year I was just feeling alone, lost, listless and wondering why most of my friends have the family and children that they have always wanted and I am single. I felt awful. I felt like a turd in the punch bowl, if you will pardon the crass expression. This year though, no. I will be the noisemaker. I always want to make people happy around me no matter what and that’s what I intend to do !

    Reply
  4. Niccole said: August 16, 2018 at 6:46 am

    I’m 37 soon to be 38 and I’ve been single pretty much since I was 17 years old after I told my my boyfriend at the time I was pregnant. At that time, being single didn’t matter, my daughter mattered. Now, she’s 20 and I still have no prospects. I feel like the woman in this article. I tried anything and everything and nothing worked or has worked. People told me I was single because I was doing everything for everyone else. Well, now they tell me I’m single because I’m focusing on myself therefore they think I’m being selfish. It’s a lose/lose situation for me. I would love to find true love but does that really exist? And even if there is someone for me later in life, is it worth it?

    Reply
    • Ericka said: August 25, 2018 at 7:07 pm

      I have no advice but I’m in the same boat. Had my son in my early 20’s, been on maybe 5 dates, no relationships. He’s 18 and a high school graduate now. Right now I’m trying to focus on a job change and getting back in shape. Not to date, but for me.

      Reply
  5. Brenda said: February 5, 2018 at 3:24 am

    This was very helpful. I always think of me. N o w finally. 🌝

    Reply
  6. Cyn said: February 4, 2018 at 7:23 pm

    I found love at 55. Sadly it lasted just a couple years. Now I am going on 59 and am seeing a great guy with definite love potential but I am taking it slow. (But he is already asking me to go to Europe with him!)

    To think that love can’t happen after 35 is ludicrous and gives us older gals short shrift. I even told my new guy that I am going to let my hair go grey and he waxed on about how attractive he finds silver hair.

    So take it from a soon-to-be-silver-fox: you are never too old to find love. Forget about your ovaries. Just forget about them. Think about you as a person and what you are about and good things will follow.

    Reply
  7. Kelly said: December 14, 2016 at 5:19 pm

    Thanks for this. I’m 38 and exhausted. Tired of trying, tired of pretending like I’m not heartbroken and sad, and overall realized from this article that I am too tired to care about myself too. Thanksgiving was hard and sad and lonely. A friend recently asked me, ‘are you the kind of woman that the kind of man you want, wants?’ OUCH!

    In truth, no. I am some extinguished version of myself waiting in vain for Mr. Right.

    This holiday season I am going to spend time with myself, treat myself to the money and presents I’d send out to keep up with the Joneses, turn away from Facebook, write, cook, hot baths, figure out what makes me happy and filled up, pray, meditate with the intention of filling myself up.

    Thank you for this invitation and for making it ok to take for me.

    Reply
    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:32 pm

      Hi Kelly, what an insightful friend you have. I’m glad you decided to turn things around because a man is not going to bring up the best in you. You need to be the best version of yourself possible, for you! Check out ou new free video series, let me know if it helps.
      Love,
      Lara

      Reply
  8. Dawn said: December 14, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    That’s a nice idea but how do you begin to do that? Do I say my affirmations 10 times a day instead of 5? Do I take myself to dinner? Your piece fails to give suggestions

    Reply
    • Susan said: December 14, 2016 at 5:21 pm

      Dawn, I think it has to been whatever that means to YOU. I don’t think there’s a formula or checklist. For me, this actually means staying home and tackling projects I’ve let stack up around me. And sleeping until I don’t need to sleep anymore. I only plan to spend time with my heart friends and we have decided that gifts this year are experiences…a wine tasting, seeing great holiday movies, enjoying nice meals together. I bought myself an online yoga series and a line of skin care I normally say I can’t afford. I don’t know that ANY of that means a thing for your heart, but I hope you’ll spend time doing whatever makes your heart light and happy and rested. All the best to you!

      Reply
      • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:33 pm

        Beautifully said, Susan.

        Reply
    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      Hi Dawn, you should check out our free video series to start, you’ll get a lot of support and guidance 😉

      Reply
  9. Pamela said: December 14, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    Hi, thank you for what you have written to me here. I know this. Everything you are saying I have done 35 years ago. So what is different now? Why can’t I get motivated or see what it is I need to do to be a better person for me. Any suggestions? Sometimes I think it may be fear but fear of what? I need to step out of my way…does anyone know how to do that?

    Reply
    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:27 pm

      Hi Pamela, you’re very welcome. Let me invite you to our free video series, I think that will help.

      Reply
  10. Esperanza Leon said: December 14, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    Hi Lara,
    I’m going to take your advice. I’m planning on giving very little this Christmas and stay calmed.
    I’ve done everything in my part to attract my soulmate but still, here I am single, tired, and hopeless. I don’t feel like celebrating anything. For thanksgiving I just want to stay home and rest. I’m not looking forward to the holiday . I want to focus on myself and reflect on why things are the way they are in my life. Why, why? I wish my higher power would give me an answer.
    Happy Holidays to you, Johnny, and Isabelle
    Love,
    Espie Leon

    Reply
    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      Thank you, Espie <3

      Reply
  11. Shiva said: December 14, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    Disclaimer Over 35 Male speaking.

    As always, you guys are so, so absolutely on target. And your insights apply not only to the holiday season but life in general.

    My observation (Even though its a cliche): To be find a long-term partner and be happy with them, you must FIRST be happy with yourself. (E.g., becoming your own soulmae, and happy in its various manifestation – content, fulfilled, serene, joyous). If you are not happy with yourself, a) quite often men will sniff out out unhappiness and desperation, the way animals instantly sniff out fear, and b) your unhappiness is internal, and thus, anything external (such as the next guy on your dating roster) is not going to make you happy and you are destined to remain dissatisfied whether coupled or not.

    Alas, as I’ve found, women who are happy with themselves are happily partnered up, despite (obviously within limits – no one should put up with abusive or undermining relationships) the obvious and uncountable flaws with their partners. Because they know their happiness depends on themselves, not on their partner.

    You can imagine what the reduction of happily partnered women does to the statistics of unhappy versus happy women in the dating pool!

    IMHO

    So unless lightning strikes, I will continue to date happy, content, serene – and age inappropriate – women.

    Reply
    • Pamela said: December 14, 2016 at 5:14 pm

      You are so right in your observations. When I left my first husband I worked on myself. I got a job, I went to counseling, which by the way worked for me. I got my self esteem, self confidence back. I was moving forward. Went back to school for a degree in Early childhood education. And although I knew this man we did not start to date until three years later. He was my soulmate. I say was because after 33 years of marriage my husband lost his life to Agent Orange.
      I went back to counseling to help me deal with the loss of my husband. I feel it is time for me to move forward but somehow do not know the direction I want to move in. I somehow do not have what I had so many years ago. Where do I go from here? How do I move forward. Is this fear I am feeling? Yes, take time for me. Sounds good. I am by myself a lot and so you would think I would know me better than I know myself. I do not feel like I did all those years ago. I was a lot younger, a single mom who was fortunate to find herself and love who she is but who am I really? Life is different now. I am by myself so to speak. I want to get out there and meet people but I am frightened. Tow years ago I was more active but now things have slowed down. I am not talking about dating. I am talking about life in general. Anyone with any suggestions? There should be a class on steps to rebuilding your life. My husband said he like the little girl that was inside of me. I do not feel her any more. So where does one begin? I find I am with my son and his family on the weekends. Doing things with the grandchildren. I want more but I am afraid that I am standing in my way and can’t find a way out. Open to suggestions.

      Reply
      • Loren said: February 5, 2018 at 12:15 am

        Pamela,

        You asked how does one rebuild or move forward. As the end goal is a life of joy or happiness, the answer might be there. Something as simple as asking yourself what brings you joy and happiness? Not just mildly, but what really brings you deep joy and lasting satisfaction? What have you done that made that little girl you want to reclaim come out to truly play and be happy?

        If you have to think about that for a while, take some time and think about it. Then, once you have found or remember what it was . . . do it. Play. Create. Spend time, effort, even some treasure doing, even reclaiming what you once loved.

        Or perhaps you might truly enjoy starting or doing something new. When I was a kid, I loved to play with Lego bricks, building all sorts of things . . . But as an adult, and a guy, I don’t really want to go back to doing that. Some do though, judging by Lego studios I’m coming across. That’s no longer me though.

        What I truly enjoy doing now is writing, especially fiction. And I was only able to discover that I loved creative writing AFTER my now ex-wife divorced me, and I was totally alone. If I was still married (unhappily by the way, walking on eggshells most of the time), I would never have discovered this love, and now next career, of fiction writing, even indie publishing for myself and a select few others now. Singer Naomi Judd once said, “Solitude is creativity’s best friend.” It is when we are by ourselves that we can perhaps best focus inward, and discover our best selves, even hidden talents or passions that have yet to emerge.

        Perhaps your discomfort in meeting new people is because you haven’t reclaimed your best and strongest self yet, that little girl both you and your husband loved. Maybe get her back firmly inside you first, taking hands with her as you both go forward into wonderful things. When you’re doing those wonderful things you love, you’ll have that strong, even unshakable sense of self back. Then you’ll be ready to share both what you love, and who you are, with new people. You won’t be able to resist sharing yourself and your passion with new friends. That is when you’ll be most likely to find someone new who loves what you do (or is at least intrigued and impressed by your love for it), and who can love you for who you love being.

        Take care, and start finding that fun you can love.

        Reply
    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 9, 2017 at 2:22 pm

      Thank you, Shiva 🙂

      Reply
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