4 Things You Should Give Up to Find Soulmate Love (Part 1 of 4)


Give it up already, my soulmate seeking sistah! It’s 2013. It’s time to give up on what’s keeping you single, what’s keeping away true love, and what’s making each new year too much the same as the last year. I’d love to help you move into 2013 with a renewed and stronger resolve to BE the woman that will easily and gracefully attract her soulmate to her this year!

As you’ve already probably figured out by now, Johnny and I do not teach that in order to find your soulmate, all you need is a tighter dress, or a new lipstick, or a facelift… or anything that focuses on the outside. Not that looks aren’t important, they are. But if looks were everything, Jennifer Aniston or Kim Kardashian would have been long married to their soulmates! It’s certainly not for a lack of good looks or a great body or even intelligence or career success that many women don’t find their lifelong beloved partners and keep attracting the wrong ones.

It’s more about what’s going on in the inside that determines that quality of relationship you will find this year. It’s a lot about what are you willing to let go of to magnetize your man (not just ANY man, but the Man of Quality that you deserve… yes, they DO exist – we’ve video-interviewed a bunch and next month we’ll share it all with you!).

Wondering what to release in 2013 to be more attractive to love? Here’s a the start of quick checklist for you:

1. Robo-Negative Self Talk. (Feeling unlovable or unworthy)
All the books and workshops and courses in the world won’t help you if you keep being unkind to yourself. Beating yourself up only brings your magnetic vibration down the scale… it CANNOT raise your vibration and CANNOT help you live the life of your dreams! You cannot whip yourself into success.

You’ll definitely want to let go of shame, blame, and regret about being alone right now… about your mistakes that you made in the distant and not-so-distant past, and trust what I’m saying here:


All you’ve got is right now, dear one. Start here, start right now from this place. Start being kind, loving, and gentle to yourself. You don’t have to be “perfect” just kind-er, gentle-er, and more loving today than yesterday. The Universe will only treat you as well as you treat yourself, not a smidgen more!

If you are judging yourself, then you are judging others by that same harsh measure… and darling, it’s not pretty. It’s repelling your beloved, it’s repelling your sacred dreams from coming into fruition, and hell, it’s repelling abundance and prosperity from coming into your life and staying, too.

Here’s a great affirmation to help you start to turn the negative self talk around:

“I love and accept myself exactly as I am right now.
I am worthy of love

Keep in mind, your ego mind (the negative voice inside your head) will tell you that affirmations don’t work and that all of this personal growth stuff is just a waste of time. Don’t listen to it. When I started doing my personal growth journey to Johnny, I was doing affirmations up the wazoo, I was taking classes and courses and workshops, I hired a love coach… in other words, it works! I invested time, energy and money in ME… and my whole life changed dramatically for the better!

So, are you willing to give up your negative self talk to attract the life of your dreams? What are you going to DO after reading this article to help you eliminate or dramatically lessen the negative self talk in your head? Please share in the comments below. I love to hear from you and I do my best to respond to every comment.

Please join me next week as I cover the 2nd thing to give up in 2013 in order to attract your soulmate!



  1. marie said: February 23, 2013 at 12:06 am

    dear Lara
    I am overwhelmed by your generosity in answering our emails personally and for GIVING so MUCH – perhaps you need a rest and I will send you some healing as well. I have been living alone for 14 years, am 67 years old and recently have decided to give love another try. I am on a couple of dating sites and have been going on dates – I usually only meet the men once and so far no one has really appealed to me. I do meditations every day and try to keep myself in the love frame of mind.
    Thank you so much for your free videos – i appreciate what you give in such a loving way
    warm regards

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 25, 2013 at 4:58 pm

      Dear Marie,
      You are welcome. I am happy to help support women to get their power back and attract the kind of man (or woman) they deeply desire. The world will be a better place with more loving, committed soulmate couples in it!
      Congratulations on not giving up on love and being willing to give it another chance. Soulmate Love is your birthright, no matter what your age, and you make it your DESTINY by getting IN more (NOT just getting out more), and taking action toward love! Watching all 4 of the Men of Quality Video Series is a FANTASTIC way to take action. You are on your way toward love right now. The key is to not quit.
      Our oldest client was 76 years old when she worked with us. She was committed to doing whatever it takes to find her soulmate. She did EVERYTHING we taught in our courses and programs, and she did it at 100%. In 6 months, she found her soulmate! They’ve been happily sharing their lives together ever since! (That was 7 years ago)
      You can do this, Marie!

  2. anne_stephenson said: February 13, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Hey just read last post.I decided to change my life in July because I was feeling awful afterbeing treated like shit by a man I now know to be a narcissist.I thought he was my best friend.The next morning I woke up completely paralised from the waist down with transverse myelitus.I can walk again but have serious consequences like pain and electric shocks and numbness in my legs still after six months blah blah dont want to go on about it but it certainly has changed my life and I am determined to make a full recovery.I see it as my legs refusing to carry me any more in the wrong direction.My so called friend didnt even come to see me in hospital,never saw me struggling in the wheelchair etc infact he couldnt care less.The truth was very painful to see but now I am very clear that I want someone who truly loves me and cares for me and who would not abandon me just because I got ill like he did.The doctors couldnt find the virus that caused my lesion in the spinal chord they said it was an unknown virus.I opened a book about Narcissists and It said ‘they attack like a virus’ . I’m cured .I will never allow anyone to ever treat me bad ever again.I’ve since been attracting people who tell me how beautiful I am who want to take care of me.Wonderful peole showed up to look after me ,people I never knew cared so much about me.My whole world has changed for the better.I just thought it was wierd about us having experiences of our legs refusing to carry us the wrong way anymore .Thank you legs!! xxx

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 15, 2013 at 12:52 am

      Wow, Anne, that’s powerful! May your healed legs carry you toward love and kindness and compassion and peace. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story of empowerment and courage.

      Wishing you all the best,

  3. Molly said: January 16, 2013 at 11:08 am

    Hi Lara.

    I feel moved to respond. However, not to the message above re: Soulmates (though worthy of great comments!) but rather, your email where you speak of your frustrations and the injury you’re dealing with. The hairs on my arms stood up when I read it. Not 5 minutes before I opened you email, I hung up with a dear friend. She’s entering month 4 of healing from a badly broken ankle and of not driving, a lot of pain, asking for constant help from her husband and friends, back and hip pain from hobbling around, and having just returned from a Hawaii vacation that was supposed to be carefree and romantic and instead she had to use a wheel chair and ride the airport “trolly!” We laughed a lot about it, but she’s about had it. I feel great compassionate because – I TOO have been on crutches since a fall down steps on New Years Day! This is round two for me after 3 months of crutches last spring. YIKES! But even THAT isn’t the point of my writing you. It’s this… between the 2 of us, she and I know 13 (count “em, 13!) women who in the last 3-4 months have injured some lower extremity and tell a similar story to yours! You just made it 14. BTW… ALL of these women are powerful world changers. And they all report feeling “weak” in their worst moments… hate asking for help… their households and businesses are all needing to make major adjustments. Their “important things to do” are being pushed into the weeks to come. This cannot be “an accident” as we all flow from 2012 into 2013. I know for me personally, I planned on “hitting the ground running” in my business in 2013. Like a bat outta hell, frankly. And that plan was brought to a screeching halt. I was in the middle of a move when it happened. That move has been delayed. And as I feel the internal grumbling self-talk of “inconvenience” and “this has to be all wrong, I’m such a screw up!” – I am now intent on catching my words and turning them around. The truth is – I’m actually brilliant and just in a holding pattern right now. It’s an assignment from the Universe for me, possibly for all of us, to not do my usual routine of “suck it up, mol, don’t let this stop you!” but rather turn to my hurting bodyand say, “You poor little thing. You hurt. You’re the sacred temple for my soul on this planet and are only delivering a message from a wiser source. Yet I’ve been “killing the messenger” by beating myself up for thinking I somehow screwed up. I’m going to slow down. I’m going to trust I have all the time in the world to get everything done. And I’m going to listen. Listen for what you’re trying to tell me. And, as for all those people from whom we need to ask for help… I trust somehow it’s a win for them too. Thanks for being my buddy. Now let me go get you some ice…”

    So Lara, thanks for writing your vulnerable email. It was so perfect for us. ( I forwarded it on to my friend too!) It confirmed that perhaps there is a new slower pace we must keep because to transform lives we are facing a marathon, not a sprint. It reminded me that if I don’t stop my negative self-talk… If I don’t absolutely love my 58 year old body – torn tendon and all- I don’t want to see the kind of man I’ll attract! If I want to find a man who will say, ” Sweetie,you look so cute with that ice pack, can I get you another?…” I better think it first! So Welcome Lara, to CLUB 14. If you are seeing this pattern out there too, I’d be curious to hear. Happy healing. And thanks.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: January 21, 2013 at 8:17 pm


      What can I say… but WOW! Thank you for sharing. How fascinating! It definitely sounds like something is going on… perhaps us strong women who are used to being such go-getters in life really get to surrender and let others “go-get” for us! It’s certainly been a stretch for me, and sounds like for you and your friends. 14 women. Hmmmmmmm. I haven’t heard from any other women who are dealing with this right now… though some women sure have commiserated with me about their ankle sprains and breaks in the past.

      Yes, I am definitely getting to learn to slow down every moment. What used to take me 10 minutes to do, now takes me 30. Everything movement is slow and has to be deliberate and I get to practice mindfulness with every step on these crutches. Sometimes, I get so frustrated I break down and cry. And those tears are a blessing too. Cleansing. Renewing. I am trusting this… even though I resist sometimes.

      Thank you for writing me and sharing this interesting news. If I hear of a #15… I’ll let you know. 😉


      P.S. Sending you and our Club 14 healing thoughts right now.

  4. Maha El Gharbawy said: January 9, 2013 at 8:53 am

    So wonderful to hear from you Lara ; it gives me immense pleasure& gratitude to see you in my mail box you lovely Lady. This morning and more than all other mornings , I started my day with a great note of gratitude for the roof I have over my head, the rain pouring over the beautiful river-Nil which my home overlooks , and the hot breakfast waiting for me to enjoy and my “Mariage Freres” cup of tea waiting to be carefully prepared by me. God has been & is being very kind to me, and for that I am very grateful. Am beginning to love myself more than before and realizing how attractive, kind and exciting I am ; I’ve worked very hard to become the person I am , and I do believe I deserve only the best and not less because I’m ready to give the best of me to my future” soul-mate”who hasn’t made his appearance yet! I hope your ankle gets better very soon & am sending you and Johnny all my love and tenderness.
    Happy New Year 2013 🙂

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: January 15, 2013 at 7:29 am

      Thank you, Maha!

      Sending you love and tenderness right back across the ocean to beautiful Egypt. I love your description of your morning… the River Nile… the breakfast… and ohhhhh, the Mariage Freres tea! Which kind is your favorite? Mine is the Marco Polo. Divine.

      Congratulations on your celebration of self love and self care. As we say, Kindness Rocks! So you are rockin’ quite well over there! Kindness to yourself.

      May your self love and self care continue to bring you joy, and to overflow into a magnet for your soulmate. In fact, I know it’s magnetic for him!

      Love and hugs,

  5. Sherri said: January 8, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    I have been so down on myself for “blowing” a relationship (on New Year’s Day) that I was trying my best to nurture. Anyway being self-critical sucks and keeps me from thriving in every area of my life. Your post is so so true. I think this negative judgment phase that seems to always happen at the end of a relationship is the toughest part for me. I’m doing my best to cultivate compassion for myself and let go of the judgement but really it’s not something I can shift so easily. Anyway I’m doing my best and your post is serendipitous. Thanks.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: January 15, 2013 at 7:30 am


      That’s all Spirit asks of you… that you do your best. It’s not easy to shift that negative self talk, and believe me when I say you don’t have to completely get rid of it to attract your soulmate or the life of your dreams. If that were the case, NONE of us would ever live our best life! Including me.

      Just keep doing the work, surrendering that inner critic to the Universe and letting it go, as you focus on re-conditioning your mind and heart for self love and soulmate love. It will happen, as long as you don’t give up.


  6. Ms Gyan said: January 8, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Hi Lara, Yes you are right about: “you cannot whip yourself into success”. The Law of attraction or reciprocity cannot bring anything other than the vibration you are putting out. I am glad that you say that it is what is on the inside that counts and that Men of Quality do exist, when some men have not matured enough to know that women are not just sex objects, or trophies to make them look good…alpha dominant male ego!!!

    How uncomfortable to have the leg injury, yet you model the principles that you teach of increased self-care and self-love. And that Johnny is standing by his woman. I have challenges with my legs and have used this as a story as to why a male would not want me!!!! so, thanks for your teachings and encouragement. Get well soon. Speak to you soon on the Love Breakthrough Calls.

    Ms Gyan

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: January 15, 2013 at 7:31 am

      Thanks, Ms. Gyan!

      Yes, there are plenty of great men out there… it’s important for us to remember that though as you say, “some men have not matured enough to know that women are not just sex objects, or trophies to make them look good…alpha dominant male ego”…. that’s true… It’s just as true that many women have forgotten their inner feminine power, and see THEMSELVES as sex objects or trophies, and of course, that attracts more men who respond from that superficial level.

      As we women claim our power (and not in a b*tchy way) more and more, we will continue to see more men who awakening into their divine masculine. Helping women to claim this power and act from it is a major foundation of all of our teachings.

      Looking forward to the Love Breakthrough Telecourse with you soon!


      • Ms Gyan said: February 15, 2013 at 9:17 am

        Hi Lara,

        Mmmmm, thanks for the subtle adjustment to my perspective. I wish I knew how to claim more of my feminine power. Perhaps I have been alone too long, going it alone, without support from either gender, and have had to rely upon my masculine energy to carry me. My feminine seems to be afraid to come out…perhaps she has withered away. I have slumped somewhat because of exposure to married men who are looking for extra, and left me feeling somewhat cheap. I don’t know how other women negotiate this kind of situation. Perhaps I am too naive and have not acquired certain skills to relate to men, and to communicate effectively. I have lost some self-confidence over the break… too hard on myself, compounded by a difficult time with my legs and motor retardation…left me feeling out on a limb without any support…no knight in shiny armour anywhere for this damsel in distress. Ok, good to receive your timely email… a reminder to not give up on myself…even though I am a harsh self critic. I am working on kindness towards myself. a work in progress… Love Ms Gyan

        • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 18, 2013 at 9:16 pm

          Ms. Gyan,
          You ARE reclaiming your feminine power. Just by showing up for the Heartbreak to Heart Open Telecourse, you have said YES to it. By saying YES to the Love Breakthrough Telecourse, you have said YES again. Just by being in the conversation about it, you are doing it! I acknowledge you for that. The key is to not give up now. You’re doing great!


          • Ms Gyan said: February 20, 2013 at 10:06 am

            Hi Lara,

            How beautiful that you replied. I wept when i read your reply. I have been feeling very isolated and not really as though anyone loves me. Contact with an estranged sister via email has brought out her animosity. I am still reeling at what reads like hate mail from her. I know we need to find a new family, yet being on my own and not having anyone to call for even a lift when I need to go somewhere is demoralizing. I don’t feel like I have any kind of power, let alone feminine, although I thank you for your reassuring comments…so timely. I don’t go anywhere and Australian men seem so apathetic and indifferent i wonder whether I will ever meet a real person, and not just another person who mouths shallow platitudes, and thinks they know me because of their projections getting in the way. Previously I rose above my situation with the difficulty with walking, now I feel frustrated by the fact that I cannot receive any assistance. People here think helping means thinking for another person, and making suggestions, instead of finding out what the person needs, and either meeting this need, or excusing themselves. I feel frustrated by a failure of communication, and ineffectively conveying meaning, or failure of comprehension of my meaning. It is a cultural phenomena – to not listen to women. A reflection of time speeding up – no one has time for anyone! OK I shall just keep on showing up, taking a stand, and fight the good fight!



  7. Taj said: January 8, 2013 at 10:09 am

    I’m going to continue to affirm – “I am a lovable and worthwhile person.” Thank you for this reminder.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: January 15, 2013 at 7:31 am

      You’re welcome, Taj. It’s the truth about you. Our Creator didn’t make any mistakes. Your birthright is love. Those affirmations help you to claim it.