Attracting Soulmate Love Isn’t About Being Perfect. It’s About…

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In a culture of meticulously filtered and curated social media news feeds, it can feel like the reason you’re single is because of some yet unidentified flaw that’s holding you back from being the perfect woman worthy of a perfect man. Maybe it’s your weight or the fact that you’re just not as successful as you’d like to be. Maybe you can’t attract true love because you’re too mainstream, your vacations aren’t Instagram worthy and you can’t seem to master the I-don’t-care-what-anyone-thinks attitude that is supposedly so desirable these days. Or maybe it’s something else because a) you’re still single and b) everyone and their cat is falling in love and posting their #relationshipgoals all over Facebook except you.

Stop right there sister! No to all of that. The reason you’re single has very little to do with how perfect you think you are or even how perfect other people think you are. In fact, you putting off what you can do TODAY as you keep striving for perfection is actually getting in the way of you meeting a great guy who you can share your life with.

If the secret to finding your soulmate isn’t about being perfect, what is it about?

The secret to attracting soulmate love is about admitting that you’re not perfect…and then doing something about it. Sounds crazy, right? It’s not. In the 12 years that we have been working with single women just like you to help them learn how to attract then recognize their sweethearts (and not mess it up at that point), we noticed something BIG about what made attracting soulmate love easy for some women and really hard for others. Want to know what we found after over a decade of being successful love mentors?

I’ll tell you everything in a moment, but first I want to make sure that we’re on the same page when it comes to understanding what it means to be ‘not perfect.’ Well first, let’s look at what letting go of the need to be perfect doesn’t mean.

When you give up striving for society’s unrealistic and unachievable idea of perfection it doesn’t mean that you give up on moving forward in your life. It doesn’t mean that you adopt a “what’s the point?” attitude and excuse yourself from striving to be a more full and connected human. And it certainly doesn’t mean that you get to stop caring about what’s actually important to you. No way! You have a wonderful life to live and you certainly don’t have time for that sort of victim mentality.

What does giving up on trying to be perfect actually mean?

Being ‘not perfect’ means that you accept that you have room to grow. That you are doing your best and that, given the opportunity, you’re willing to put in the work to develop yourself more. Being not perfect is about owning up to your mistakes and celebrating your successes. It’s about choosing to be proactive about the things you can change and making peace with what you can’t change. Being not perfect means that you get to be human — as opposed to a boring robot — and thus get to live this rich and full life where you are constantly discovering new things about yourself, the world and what’s possible.

Here’s the kicker: nobody is perfect. Even the people who spend a lot of time, money and energy trying to convince you that they are. (Sounds pretty exhausting if you ask me!)

In the famous romance movie The Princess Bride, Carry Elwes’s character Westly says to his love (who at the time doesn’t know it’s him), “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.” The same could be said for people who spend their lives trying to convince the world that they’re perfect. Besides, isn’t part of the excitement of life discovering who you are and writing your story as it unfolds?

Okay, now we’re on the same page about needing to let go of being perfect in order to accept that being not perfect is actually okay. So are you ready to learn the secret to attracting soulmate love? Remember, we have worked with a lot of women and everything I’m about to tell you comes from experience:

The secret to attracting soulmate love is about…

Accepting that you are a work-in-progress and being brave enough to share your imperfect self and story with the world. For one, when you acknowledge and celebrate that you’re not perfect, you’re able to be kinder and more compassionate. You can let go of the expectation that other people need to be perfect because you’ve come to terms with the fact that nobody — including you — is perfect. What a relief! And being kind doesn’t mean being a doormat. It just means that you can live a lighter life because you’re not getting hung up on mistakes that you or other people have made. “Live and let live” as the saying goes.

Another soulmate-attracting benefit of understanding that nobody’s perfect is that you can be more present in the process of finding the man of your dreams. People who think that perfection is what makes them worthy of love are always reacting to what’s going on around them. This is because they’re uber-focused on an image of perfection and they are constantly thinking about the past or worrying about the future. Any sign of a flaw could pop their bubble and make their world come crashing down. So they’re always on the defensive and living in a moment outside of the present one. Which really isn’t living, is it?

Why do women feel the need to be perfect in the first place?

Unfortunately, when people think of acknowledging that they’re not perfect they automatically think that this also means that they’re not worthy of love. Which is so not true! Perfection and being worthy of love are mutually exclusive. You don’t have to be perfect in order to be worthy of love. In fact, the sooner you let go of this unhealthy and unhelpful narrative, the sooner you can be open and ready to receive the deep, romantic love that you are longing for. If you wait to be perfect in order to attract love, you’re going to be wasting a lot of time. Time you could be spending growing alongside a man who is also able to accept that life is about the journey, not the destination.

So what are you waiting for? If you’re ready to make this your year for love, then it’s time for you to learn how to do it- flaws, failures, fears and all.


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10 Comments...

  1. fenil said: November 30, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    Hello. I am late 35.. and still no marry. Please give me some tips..

    Reply
  2. Rae said: March 27, 2017 at 9:47 am

    Great reminders and words of wisdom! Thanks Lara!

    Reply
  3. Michelle said: March 19, 2017 at 12:02 pm

    I can’t wait for the opportunity to be in love and Happy! I have been alone and left out by so many of my highscool friends that have husbands and children.
    I don’t want to feel that I am the one always looking for the right guy either. I think this is a great opportunity for me to accept what I cannot change, but learn not to settle for what is.

    Reply
    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 22, 2017 at 3:09 pm

      Very wise words Michelle!

      Reply
  4. Shiva said: March 16, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    Hey, Guys,

    I read your posts with quite some regularity, and the common subtext in them seems to me to be that the major recommendation you’re giving contemporary women is”Be realistic.”

    There is a personality disorder called “covert narcissism.” Most people think “narcissism” is someone who is incredibly self-centered, amoral, etc. Although this is true to some degree, the real definition of narcissism is someone who relies on external metrics to determine their own self-worth.

    Unless you’re in relationship with one, covert narcissists are fabulous people. They are often high achievers. They want you to like them (especially if they think you’re higher status than they are) and will do anything possible to make you think they are wonderful world-class people. They know all about designer labels, the best restaurants. They are often quite attractive and elegant (creative industries are rife with CNs). CNs are master concealers of their innerselves, and only they know the anxiety and apprehension they feel within, that no matter how much money, fame approval, and how high the status of their partner, they will never feel like complete people.

    The whole self-esteem movement is breeding generations of CNs, who measure themselves by what schools they go too, test scores, how much money they make. How high value their friends and partners are. Everything they do is determined by outside measurements.

    And if they fail in any of these measurements they impose upon themselves, despair ensues.

    Alas, male CNs invariably do runners and female CNs are doomed to a lifetime of unhappiness.

    What scientists (and you two) have determined is the source of happiness is self-acceptance. If you are happy with yourself, you will radiate this contentment and awareness and draw others who similarly content and aware, even if you have to “settle” on someone who doesn’t combine the charisma and good looks of George Clooney, the wealth of Bill Gates, the humor of Woody Allen and the compassion of the Dalai Lama (and a great many women seem to be looking for exactly that).

    But if you do not accept yourself and measure yourself by external metrics of perfection, not only will you draw similarly afflicted men, you will repel men who are loving and king and willing to accept you for who you are.

    IMHO.

    Keep up the great work.

    Shiva
    A Recovering CN

    Reply
    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 22, 2017 at 3:14 pm

      Thank you, Shiva. Kudos to you for your recovery, accepting and loving oneself is indeed a magnet for healthy people who feel the same way.
      Blessings,
      Lara

      Reply
  5. Christina said: March 15, 2017 at 9:29 pm

    I love this! As I accept that I am a “work in progress” it is much easier to be relaxed and feel at peace that I will attract the love relationship I want with ease when the time is right.

    Reply
    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 22, 2017 at 3:16 pm

      Thank you, Christina!

      Reply
  6. Sonia said: March 15, 2017 at 9:18 am

    This is soul reading.. saying what’s inside the heart deep inside..it’s mind-boggling. No other words than thank you.

    Reply
    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: March 15, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      Thank you Sonia!

      Reply
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