Give This Up to Attract Soulmate Love


Over the next few weeks, I’ll be writing about the 4 most important things to let go of in 2013 in order to become a true attractor for love this year. I started last week’s article with the first thing to release and let go of.

As an independently-minded woman who’s raising an independently-minded daughter, I am all for self-sufficiency and for women being fully capable of providing for themselves and living their best lives on their own so they don’t cling to a man who’s unhealthy for them, thinking that they need to stay with him to be able to pay the bills or maintain a certain persona with their neighbors.

I have a friend in her early 70’s who told me about her pretty tragic life in her 20’s and 30’s. She was in an abusive relationship with her husband, where he beat her within an inch of her life many a time. Her young children saw her get beat up over and over again (imagine the traumatic memories for them!), and it wasn’t until he beat her up while she was pregnant with their child that she realized that she needed to kick him out for good. Which she did. But not before years of physical and emotional abuse had affected her and her children who had to witness those episodes.

When she told me this story, I asked her, “Why? Why did you stay with him? Why didn’t you feel that you were able to just pack up and leave the very first time he hit you??”

She had a lot to say about why… and the bottom line was that she didn’t think she would be able to keep a roof over her head if she didn’t stay with him. She couldn’t see how she would be able to make it without his financial contribution to the household.

Ugh! This is an intelligent, educated woman! And this is what she was thinking! My heart hurts for her and for the helplessness she must have felt during that time.

My friend has since (for the last 40+ years) eschewed relationships and has decided that she was better off alone for the rest of her life. Now, she certainly IS better off alone than in an abusive relationship… but there are other options for relationships then either you’re alone… or you’re getting beaten up, right? There’s a lot of other choices between these two extremes.

So, my story about my friend leads me to the 2nd thing to let go of in 2013:
the all-or-nothing attitude of “I don’t need a man!” (aka “either-or” thinking).

You are right. You DON’T need a man. You are perfectly capable of providing for yourself, living your life surrounded by your loving family and friends, and building a fulfilling career or business. BUT, you read this blog for a reason. There’s SOMETHING inside of you that WANTS to be with the RIGHT man for you. A Quality Man.

And that something has kept you coming back to read my articles, that something has had you join us in one of our telecourses or home learning courses, or watch one of our popular video teaching series’ or want to learn with us live at our Love Breakthrough Weekend course. And that something is what’s going to help you become the woman who is emotionally and spiritually mature and ready, finally really ready, to attract the soulmate of your dreams.

The attitude of “I don’t need no man!!” doesn’t serve your dreams, girlfriend (neither does the attitude of “I can’t be alone… I’ll be miserable by myself”… but that’s an article for another day).

Start thinking “both” thinking. “Both” thinking is what people who attract the life of their dreams do. Instead of either-or… they think both. What it really translates to is abundance and enough and prosperity thinking. When you think “either I can be with a man and get hurt, be disrespected, or beaten…. OR I can be alone and happy”…. that’s lack and limitation and “not enough” thinking. That’s a scarcity mindset and I’ll bet you are experiencing scarcity in your life at LEAST in one area, if not more than one.

So let go of either-or thinking and start to embrace abundance, prosperity and ENOUGH in your life. Here’s a great affirmation that I recommend you write on a post-it note and look at it every morning and every evening on your bathroom mirror and say it out loud 3 times. Seriously. Do this every day for 60 days. Watch the shifts occur in your life.

“I am an unlimited being accepting from an unlimited source in an unlimited way

Here’s to you… experiencing more blessings, more good in your life in 2013. It’s time, isn’t it? It’s YOUR time, so get ready to receive!

What are you going to DO after reading this article to help you eliminate or dramatically lessen the “either-or” thinking? Please share in the comments below. I love to hear from you and I do my best to respond to every comment.

And join me next week, as I reveal the 3rd thing to let go off to attract soulmate love into your life this year.



  1. marie said: February 23, 2013 at 12:37 am

    i love the “unlimited” statement and have written it out and stuck it to my bathroom mirror – I will write it out again in Calligraphy and share it around – Thank you for giving me this to share

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 25, 2013 at 4:56 pm

      You’re welcome, Marie! Talk about taking action! I love it! Enjoy!


  2. Katrina said: February 6, 2013 at 5:50 am

    Thank you so much Lara.

    I have been working through a past of beating myself up and just when I was starting to move through it I was assaulted by a colleague. I am working on re-framing it as I was doing the best I could and that he was showing his support in the only way he knew how.

    From this article I am learning that I am good enough to receive love from myself, that there are people male and female who love me (that there does not have to be a romantically involved relationship they can love me as a friend or surrogate family member), and that it is shown in different ways, and that we are all doing the best we can.

    I am also learning to set boundaries that work for me and accept that the boundaries that others set are the best for them and nothing personal.

    I am having a tough time not taking things personal but it is getting easier. I am also learning that it is ok to cry, journal, and draw out how and what I am feeling.

    Thank you so much for your time and support,


    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 7, 2013 at 7:58 pm

      Wow, you are learning so much about yourself and about self-love! I want to acknowledge you for being willing to grow and change and evolve into the best expression of yourself. You are on a life-changing journey.

      Sending you a hug,

  3. Krista said: January 22, 2013 at 6:43 am

    I’ve never been good at relationships, that’s what I’ve always told myself, until the last couple years. For the first time, I spent literally all of my extra time working on myself. And I ended up in a relationship with one of my friends… also a first. I was prepared for what was going to come up, because I knew it would, like always. But this time, I was willing to change my old patterns that made me deeply unhappy. And for the first time ever, I made the decision that I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO BE SINGLE TO BE HAPPY, AND RUNNING AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS WILL NOT SOLVE THEM. And since then, I’ve never been happier in a relationship. With him, or with myself. 🙂

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 6, 2013 at 3:39 am


      Soooo awesome! You took responsibility for your part in the relationship and how it was going and how you were/are showing up, and BAM! watched your circumstances change. Way to go.

  4. Monica said: January 18, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    Ohhh Lara! Thanks for this post!

    After the traumatic break up of a loving 5 years relationship with a guy I loved so much I was destroyed, and my low self-esteem led me to an abusive relationship with a guy who didn’t respect me (now he does, but it’s too late)… He treated me really bad and, as a defense strategy, I started to treat him bad too; I felt terrible but I was not strong to break up with him because I thought I could not get over another break up and I could not be alone. I spent 2 years thinking on the break up, and one day I told God “If this relationship is meant to last, let it last, otherwise let it disappear”… that night we broke up, and I felt free and happy! That was a year and a half ago, and since then I’ve been working on me, in order to re-discover the fabulous woman I am and how worthy I am of love! I have achieved an inner peace state, I love and I’m being loved by those who surround me and I feel the love in the air, I feel happy and grateful every day and I’ve learned to accept the things I cannot change… I’ve forgotten those who hurt me, and now I feel ready to meet my soulmate!! In fact, that’s one of my purposes for 2013, and now I receive this post from you and I see I keep blocking abundance to come to my life! I am in the “either-or” thinking, feeling like I really don’t need a man to live (but clearly I WANT to share my life with my soulmate) and thinking I’m better being alone than in an abusive relationship… well, no one had made me seen things like this!!! They all say you have to think in abundance, but they don’t say which thoughts can be blocking that!!! I’m sure God and the angels sent this post to me, as I’m asking for clarity to be with my soulmate… from now on I will believe in abundance!!

    Thank you Lara!!

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: February 6, 2013 at 3:40 am

      You’re welcome, Monica. I’m so glad this post was helpful to you.

  5. Sandra Fuenterosa said: January 15, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    Well, Lara,

    What do you expect? The world was once humanely ruled by matriarchies. Out of fear of innate female power, men destroyed them, establishing brutal patriarchal society, and that´s all she wrote. A world based on war and force came into being, that out of their fear of women, caused them to enact laws that banished women from anything except menial and sexual tasks. And so has humanity lived for the past multimillennia. Are you aware that worldwide men enacted laws AGAINST women? That it was only in 1918 that British and American Suffragettes succeeded, against brutal patriarchal resistance, jail sentences and even death, in attaining the vote and the right to attend male universities which had the best education? Why are men so afraid of us? Because we are the makers and formers of humanity. Because they are ruled by sexuality and that is the only weakness they feel where women are concerned. And that terrifies them, so, suppression and violence against women has been the societal male governance to combact their fears of women´s innate powers. Brava to all the women who have woken up and stood up and upped and taken off, protected by the growing yet tragically still too few, number of agencies worldwide to protect women and children against male violence.
    A new day is dawning, if the male need to create ever more destructive weapons of war, doesn´t blow the planet up first.
    You are doing your bit. Let´s hope 2013 and the Age of Aquarius will help humanity turn a corner into sanity and love rather than war war.

    • Dr. Lara Fernandez said: January 21, 2013 at 8:19 pm

      I feel you, Sandra! Thank you for sharing. There’s so much farther we women (and the men who love and truly respect us… they do exist) have to go to claim our power fully and build an egalitarian society.