The Rollercoaster Ride of Dating in your 30’s and 40’s {Part 1 of 2}

Dating can be HARD these days- we see this all the time with our clients.

And you’re not the only one who feels this way. Studies show that most women are finding it harder than EVER to date in the modern dating world.

Especially in your 30s and 40s, the pressure from society, the media, and worst of all family and friends is at a new peak. And all that does is add to your stress and confusion and make you feel even MORE at a loss about what to do with your love life.

You know what I’m talking about, right?

So YES, dating can be a rollercoaster. And… There are some ways to make the ride more pleasant, and most importantly, get OFF it and OFF the market for good.

Here’s how to start:

1. How to streamline your online dating experience

How do you know which site to choose? It’s not so simple anymore, is it?
There are thousands upon thousands of online dating services out there, which can leave you overwhelmed and wondering what to do.

Johnny and I recommend that you keep it simple: Join only TWO online dating sites. One of them should be a big site, like a Match or Hinge. And the other should be a “niche” site, one that has a specialty that fits you. Do you like yoga and spirituality? Yogidating.com or Spiritualsingles.com. Are you an avid cycler? Gosporty.com. Christian? ChristianMingle.com

We are also big fans of PAID SITES, and using paid features, not free ones, for the most part. The people who are paying are at least putting some skin in the game and therefore investing in this part of their life, as opposed to free sites, which can be more about hooking up then finding your future husband. Speaking of which: if you’re over 30, not into hookups, and SERIOUSLY want a husband soon, don’t use Tinder (even though it’s very popular). Just don’t. ‘Nuff said.

In our True Love At Last advanced program, we personally work with our clients on setting up their online dating profile, how exactly to use the apps, and prepare them for dating differently – how to “date with the end in the mind”. The end being true love, marriage, family and a lifetime commitment… Not just another relationship that starts with fireworks and fizzles out in 3-6 months.

There’s so much more to say about this, but there just isn’t enough room here! This is why we work so deeply on this with our clients- there’s levels to this, and it goes far deeper than we can get into here. But this is a good start when it comes to online dating.

2. Social Media is running our lives

Social media can be wonderful. I love Facebook as much as the next person. I post pictures, share funny cat and baby and puppy and hedgehog videos just like anyone else. The community connection portion of our program is even in a private facebook group because it makes for easy connections. So I’m not hating on Facebook. A friend even told me once that my “Facebook game is TIGHT”… which means I post good stuff, I guess. 🙂

But never before in the history of humankind have single people looking for love had something as distracting as Facebook, Twitter, Tiktok, LinkedIn, and Instagram! It’s also impossible for us to share the whole big picture of our lives on it. We usually only share the best slices of life with each other. And it creates an image of ourselves that’s really only partially true. This makes getting out there even more challenging, because who you are online certainly needs to match who you are in person.

Another thing: we have these incredible PHONES that are really powerful supercomputers that we now carry with us all the time. And we access them all the time. When we’re in line at the grocery store, waiting for our food at a restaurant or for take-out. We rarely allow ourselves the luxury of just letting our mind wander. And it’s making us all more anxiety ridden and even depressed.

Smartphone addiction is a real problem. A study from Northwestern University revealed that “the more time people spend on their phones, the more likely they are to be depressed. The average daily use for a depressed person was 68 minutes, compared to just 17 minutes for someone who has better mental health.”

Not only is overusing our smartphones stressing us out, it’s disrupting our sleep, affecting our fitness levels and health, and messing with our attention span. And this is not just my opinion, there’s a growing body of research that’s finding evidence that smartphones, when overused, can be unhealthy for us.

I’m not suggesting that you give up your smartphone. (How could we even??) But I am going to share with you what you can do to help lessen the effects of smartphone overuse.

When you’re in line at the grocery store or bank or anywhere, keep your phone in your purse! Yes, for those brief 3 minute interludes where you’re in line, resist the temptation to get on your phone. What to do instead? Look around. Smile at people. Yes, make eye contact with men. Talk about the next Warriors game with the guy with a Warriors t-shirt on. Take a few deep breaths. Stretch. Challenge yourself to stay off the phone. Rinse and repeat.

And give yourself the gift of taking Facebook and Instagram OFF your phone-or hiding it so it’s in your library, but you cant see it, you have to type in the name to get to it!!! I know, that’s sacrilege. Do it for two weeks. See how you feel. I’m willing to bet you’ll feel more present, less anxious and you’ll be more available to notice if there’s an interesting man nearby!

So, how does this affect your dating roller coaster? Well, giving yourself the gift of BEING PRESENT and aware and open (by following my suggestions above), you become more MAGNETIC to the many blessings that the universe is trying to send your way.

In my next blog post I’ll share more changes you can start implementing TODAY to help you get off that roller coaster and moving toward your Mr. Right.

To your soulmate success,

Dr. Lara
Holistic Love & Life Mentor // Co-Founder of Feminine Radiance & Courage Institute